Little Miss Sunshine :)

Whattudu

2011-12-01T19:18:00.002+08:00

I don't know why my blog still exists...

Anyway, hello! I'm on my semester break now, and it's sooo good to be home. But I'm slacking off; I haven't started doing my homework at all, let alone revise. I'm sure my friends are already halfway through with their assignments and all but lemme just live a lil bit for a while. Pretty ironic though because I've only been sleeping in, watching some movies and as per usual, spending my time on the Internet. Ah well.

I haven't had the chance to watch Breaking Dawn yet and I'm aching to! Tim was in Perak for a few days but now she's back for at least a week. I really hope I'll get to see her before she goes back there. And I've yet to meet up with my other girlfriends. GAH. So many people to see, so little time. Woe. Mum makes a fuss whenever I ask her if I can go out. I'm glad to be home and all, but the thing is I don't want to waste my holiday away just rotting at home -___-

If I sleep in, she gets annoyed; whenever I'm awake and I'm always in front of my laptop or in the kitchen, she gets annoyed; whenever I'm awake and I want to go out she gets annoyed. So..... I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Have a nice holiday everyone. Au revoir!

When all is done

2011-10-02T22:29:00.003+08:00

I just need to let it out. Nowhere else seems.. safe. I don't think a lot of people (if any) read my blog nowadays, so here I am. I need to get this out of my system. And let's just hope the person I will talk about won't read this.

I'm not going to say something bad about him, no. It's just my ego. I am a small person with an ego as huge as Taj Mahal. He probably knows that I miss him, but I just don't want him to know how much it affects me. How much I've cried, how much I wish he's still with me.

I knew what I had. I really did. It's not the case where I only notice what I got because it's gone. But now that it's gone, it's like a big fat slap across my face, you know? It's very painful and sometimes I feel hollow inside. I feel incomplete, because he's not here anymore. It's over.

Whenever people ask me what happened, I tell them I don't know. I don't know the real reason behind it. And I don't want to remember, because it won't do me any good. The memories keep coming back though, they come to haunt me every day. The good times; the bad times. All of it. Sometimes I smile at them, and sometimes they reduce me to tears. I probably should not reminisce so much under any circumstances, but I can't help it. Tell me how I can switch these feelings off.

I'm broken. I do not admit this to anybody, and I do not let it show, but I want it all back. The texts, the laughters, the pain and the fights. I'd do it all over again.

Maybe it's not meant to be. You'll find someone else.

Sometimes things fall apart for better things to fall together.

Sometimes two people have to fall apart to realise how much they need to be together.

If it's meant to be, he'll come back. Love will find a way.

I'm at war with myself. Every single day. I'm a strong girl, I know that. But at certain times, I choose not to be. It's like losing a part of you that you never want to let go. That's what makes it tougher - letting go. I am possibly the worst person when it comes to letting go. God, I really am and I don't know why. It hurts. It really is painful.

We used to share everything. When something happens, I feel like telling him. But I can't. It's different now. I share stories with my friends too, but have you ever had something happen to you, and you just feel like telling a particular someone first? Yeah. Now it's just an empty slot.

When I feel homesick, or when I just want someone to talk to, I know more than a few people who will readily be there for me. But he's not. It's an empty slot. Something I wish I didn't have to come across.

Not only that, every song ever existed seems to bring me back to the past, too. And being the idiot that I am, I'd listen to them over and over, sometimes for no other reason than to torture myself. It kills me.

But life goes on! Doesn't it? No matter how much I don't want it to. I've been living in the past. I relive my high school moments, I think about how much easier life was, I remember our conversations.. It's just too much to live with. It's almost unbearable. No one's taken care of me the way he did, put up with me the way he did, made me smile the way he did. Not to say that nobody else does that for me; but you know what I'm saying.

Is he the one for me? I'm scared to find out. Because if he isn't, I'll face a hard time coming to terms with that.

I don't know how he's really doing currently. I don't know if he's moved on. A big part of me hopes that he hasn't. I'm selfish, but I can't control myself.

I loved you first, I loved you first.

But whatever happens, I'll always pray for him. Wherever he is, whatever he's doing. Because that's the only way I can "invest" my love for him now. Even if he doesn't know it. Or if he doesn't consider it important. It is, to me.

We all know who I'm talking about, of course. I'm just not sure if I want him to read this, or not.. But I shall not fret.

Oh Allah, no one else is a better Protector than You are, so Protect all of us from any harm, danger, injustice, any form of malice, abuse and evil. I entrust all of my affairs to You, for You have Power over all things. And if this is not written in my book, if he is not meant for me, then I pray that You take care of him and Guide him and unite him with a righteous woman, better than me in Faith and conduct, so that she may love him and bring him to Your Paradise. May we be granted success in this world and the Hereafter. Amen.

Sick

2011-07-26T18:09:00.003+08:00

Last night was a nightmare. A bad, horrible nightmare. One that I'm glad is over, and I wish would never happen again. But that, of course, is an empty, useless wish.

I fasted yesterday. I didn't have sahur the night before, but I ate crackers and a few other snacks at around midnight. So I thought "Hey, I ate a lot, this can be my sahur." Before I went to bed I drank plenty of water, ate honey and also a date, just to ensure that I'll have enough energy for the next day and my tummy wouldn't be painful.

It was the first day of classes, so I walked a lot around campus. But alhamdulillah, I was okay. Until the late evening, when I started feeling dizzy and weak. But that's normal, ey? Anyway, at about 7pm I headed to the Dining Hall and got food for breaking fast. They served catfish and some sambal; I was so hungry I took quite a lot of rice. When it was time I ate happily (despite the fact that I have gastric problems, and my stomach was empty, and I was eating something spicy; not to mention that I drank orange juice so that was slightly acidic) and was just glad that I finally got to eat.

Later that night my tummy felt funny. It hurt and I thought maybe it was just wind. But gradually the pain became worse and it felt like I had period cramps. It was so terrible, I swear I felt like I had knives in my stomach. I was supposed to help out with some Bangsawan (a big event that's happening this Saturday night) things, but I couldn't get up so I took a nap. When I woke up it just became worse. I put oil on my abdomen and drank some water. Long story short, I threw up twice in the toilet. I had to sit down to pray; I was thankful that I didn't throw up then.

The most horrible thing was the fact that I was in college and not at home. I hate having cramps, and it made it a whole lot worse that I wasn't in my own room at home, where my mum was. It wouldn't change anything and definitely wouldn't have made the pain subside faster, but at least at home I'm more comfortable and safe. I texted my mum saying that I wanted to go home and such. She was worried because Ramadhan is approaching and I'll be in college, 70km away. And since my time of the month just ended last weekend, she said it couldn't have been period pain, must've been my gastric pain. Which was logical, actually.

Eventually I got to sleep, alhamdulillah. I skipped my morning classes because I wasn't feeling well and I was scared to get up. Missed My Fajr prayer too :( the matron came and gave me some pills and MC till 1pm. Mum called to ask how I was doing; I felt so homesick, I cried and wished that I'm back at home. After that I went for lunch and some people approached me and asked if I was okay. I was so touched and was pretty close to tears.

I came back to the chalet after class and cried again. Cried more when I looked at some pictures and when my dad BBM-ed me. I wonder what is up with me today :( I just can't wait for Saturday after Bangsawan; I'll be back home, with my family, happy for a least a day. So looking forward to that. Wait for me, loved ones.

Miss Independent.. Or am I?

2011-07-24T01:17:00.003+08:00

Lo and behold, Fatin is writing a new post after so long! I kid, I kid, it's just been 20 days.

So I've started college on the 12th of July; I was such a nervous wreck considering that I've never been to a boarding school in my life. Other than vacations and short camps and whatnot, I've never been away from home before. This is a first, and you have no idea how many things were rushing through my mind on the days running up to the twelfth. Being a worrywart as I am, I was thinking a lot more than a lot. So much so that a thousand things were on my mind but I can't say any of them out loud. Have you ever been in that situation before? The day before registration, I woke up crying; I had avoided going downstairs and packed my things instead until the tears have stopped and I have calmed down.

Leaving home really bothered me. I'm so used to having everything and everyone around me - my parents and my siblings, of course. Then there were my bed, food in the fridge, socks in the drawer, shoes in the store, etc etc. Everything was in place and I liked it that way. Now if there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I'm not a big fan of change. Not in the sense that I don't like to change for the better, no. This only applies to the things and environment around myself. Because I'll need to adapt, and adapting is not something I'm good at.

Thus there I was, crying because I knew I won't be sleeping in my bed the next night, Mum wouldn't wake me up for Fajr anymore, and I was about to embark on a journey on my own, leaving the comforts of home and going away from my parents. I sound like a horrible person, I know. I won't say that I'm independent because in so many ways, I am not. Maybe in a few matters, but generally, no. I'll tell you a secret; I do fantasize about studying abroad one day BUT. Deep down, I knew I won't be so eager to leave home. Home is home. Once I told my mum that even after I'm married, I wanna stay here at home with her and Dad.. Awkward. Sigh. I ache so much to be a little girl again.

The future is frightening, and the thought of leaving the nest for good one day is even more so! Alhamdulillah I'm doing fine in college so far. I don't cry at night and ask my parents to pick me up and bring me home. I do miss sleeping as I please and doing whatever I want whenever I want, but honestly I'm not miserable in college. But last Sunday, my first Sunday since I entered college, my parents fetched me and brought me home. It felt so good to be home although I pretty much slept for 3 hours after that, then I had to go back to college. Here's the thing; I cried and said I didn't wanna go back. College isn't bad but being home affirms the fact that I was - still am - homesick. Mum said it was normal for me to feel the way I did; she says I have separation anxiety. I have no arguments with that. In fact I think I have a serious case of separation anxiety. I would share stories to prove my point but it's almost 2am and besides, I wouldn't wanna bore anyone.

I absolutely abhor the fact that I have to go back to that jungle tomorrow. The fact that I have swimming test tomorrow night doesn't help one bit either. Just... *bangs head against wall*

Rant

2011-07-04T09:39:00.002+08:00

Greetings.

I am rather "pissy" this morning, so I wanna let it all out. I feel bad because I never update my blog and now suddenly I'm here to rant and complain. Well, if you can't stand whiny people, I reckon you should leave this page. If anyone is even reading this. Consider yourself warned.

Okay. I faced some.. unfortunate events last month. Not one, plenty. Kind of. I am emotionally unstable. And now I am even more so. I've had my fair share of (I'm sorry, I'm gonna say a bad word) fuck-ups in life. Maybe more than the average person does. I mess up a lot. I can be selfish and big-headed; but I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one in this world. Not that it's a good thing.

My point is, you can just leave me alone and I can make a mess of something all by myself. Single-handedly. I'm talented that way. So why should someone come and help me out at (I'm sorry again) fucking things up?

I do not appreciate people who not only talk behind my back, but exaggerate matters so much so that it causes dispute and misunderstanding between me and someone else. Because in the end, it's me who has to face all those shit and clean up the mess. And frankly I dislike cleaning up other people's doing.

I'm trying hard to keep quiet whenever I'm angry. When someone shouts at me or tell me things about myself that I don't even know about, I try my best to let them finish talking. But trying is hard. I feel challenged and I want to clear things out, but why do that when people think that whatever that comes out of my mouth is complete and utter bullshit? You tell me. I see no point in that. But even then, people keep talking.

If you don't know a story really well, just keep quiet. Simple.

How's life?

2011-06-18T22:45:00.002+08:00

Ask me how life has been for me; I honestly wouldn't know how to answer that.

For one thing, I don't know if someone's asking that question just to be polite, for the sake of a conversation, or if they're really interested in the answer. The last one is, of course, highly unlikely unless my very close friends ask me.

The other thing is: I simply don't know how life has been for me.

There are my happy times. When I hear a good song on the radio, and I remember times in the past when I would dance stupidly to it whenever it comes on. When I'm having a funny discussion over dinner with my family. When my brother embarrasses me and dances in public but still makes me laugh. When my mother mispronounces a word, and also when she stood in front of the huge glass in the carpark in Pavilion, thinking it was an automatic door. When my dad watches Phineas and Ferb, and laughs. There are lots more. The little things that get me through the days, make me smile and thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful family, for granting me another day to live.

There are my sad times. When I'd feel lonely. When I can't stop myself from dwelling on the past. When I'd remember that in less than a month, I'd be leaving home for college (even if I'll come back every week. I just can't imagine what'll happen to my room on the days that I'm not around, and to be honest I'm really worried about that). When I see nice clothes but I know I can't possibly own all of them. When I realize that I'll never have enough money to satisfy my desire to shop.

And of course, there are my bitchy moments. It's bad enough on my normal days, so you can probably tell that I'm somewhat a tiny version of Hulk when I have my PMS.

So there you go.

My job is done

2011-06-01T22:41:00.003+08:00

Every time I make a vow to update my blog regularly, I fail miserably. I used to blog every week (or so I think) and now, not only have I lost my writing skills, I'm also in no mood at all to read! I guess work had pretty much drained every ounce of will I had in me, which explains why Nicholas Sparks' "The Lucky One" has been untouched ever since I read the first few chapters probably more than a month ago. Now dust is settling on it, where it has been lying for a long time - my dressing table.

So today, June 1st, I have officially stopped working at Tumble Tots Melawati. It has been a great experience and it might have been a nudge, if not a major boost, to my confidence, self-esteem and, more importantly, my patience and ability to work under pressure. I salute the parents, teachers, babysitters, and all the single parents out there. It's tough enough to handle kids for 2 hours and a half (not to mention SIX kids at one time), so I can't imagine how hard it must be to raise children. InsyaAllah, one day I'll have the chance to be in that position. I hope so.

I'm happy to be leaving work because it means that I don't have to Google simple arts and craft that I can do with the kids in class; no more obligations to wake up before 9am although I slept at 2am the night before; no more worrying about the challenges that I might have to face on the next day.

No more chasing Harris around when he runs out of the class to play on the equipments outside, while at the same time stopping Colin from playing with soap in the hand washing area and shouting (nicely) at the other kids so that they stay in class. No more telling Afreen to stop shouting, Fayha to stop taking the toys in her friends' hands, Ezmal to stop running and sit down while eating.

Yes, it is REALLY tiring. But I've learned bits and pieces about every one of the children and in a way, I've grown attached to them. They push my patience to the limit sometimes but they also have their good sides. They make me smile when, inside, I'm breaking. When I feel like I have nothing to look forward to, they prove me wrong. When I'm down in the dumps, they lift up my spirits and also, remind me each and every day about both the beauties and hardships of being a parent. The occasional "nightmare" they put me through did not, ever, make me say "I never want to have kids." Instead it only makes me want to be a mother more :)

Leaving the kids is sad, because I have no guarantee that they won't forget me. Of course, what can I expect? They're four. I wonder if they'll ask "Where's Teacher Fatin?" in my absence. I'll miss their habits and (believe it or not) screaming. When we sing the pack-up song (to make the kids clean up the toys that they played with), Colin will always replace the line "Pack up in a hurry" with: "Put it in a curry." A clever one, that child. But annoying at times.

And most of all I'll miss the random times when one of them will sit on my lap. Sometimes I'll lift them and sit them on the floor, but usually I just let them be because it feels.. Nice :')

But what I love most about this job is, I meet different children with different behaviour, and I will always find a way to tackle them. And when it works, when I get that child's attention, and in some cases make them stop crying, I get that sense of satisfaction and accomplishment that I can get from nowhere else.

Tumbling

2011-05-10T22:18:00.002+08:00

I am super exhausted. Work has been wearing me down recently especially since I started taking over the classes (at Tumble Tots). I'll be quitting at the end of this month. I would quit earlier but currently they don't have enough helping hands and I decided to give them some time to look for a new teacher.

Can't imagine what it would be like, leaving the kids, not seeing them anymore. I'll miss them, that's for sure. I guess I'm just worried that they won't remember me. As much as they drive me insane I still have a soft spot for them. They're so cute and even though I always get mad at Colin for spilling his milk or Fayha for pushing other kids, etc etc, separation has always been an issue with me.

I don't earn very much, not as much as other people do, but I've gained some experiences working with children. I've seen how some things affect them and learned to tackle some of them. It's been great. Really tiring though; I've never had to mind 5 kids at the same time. It's good training. Mum said now I know how it feels like to be a mother. She joked about how I'll handle my kids in the future. I told her that it's unlikely that I'll have four 4-year-olds at the same period of time.

Well, so that's it for now. I'd blog more but nah. Next time. Ciao.

2011-05-01T01:41:00.002+08:00

Just felt like going pink for a while. Don't know why, the background isn't that pretty but.. I stumbled upon it and I don't know if it's the sleepiness clicking or me myself, but there you go, a pink blog. I'm never good at editing backgrounds and they always turn up hideous; I guess that's why I give up half way most of the time. And as of right now; I'm too sleepy to even think about changing it back.

I guess now I gotta change my blog's title seeing as it's not really "sunny" anymore. Any suggestions?

The Royal Wedding

2011-04-30T23:38:00.004+08:00

The Royal Wedding was so incredibly beautiful; there's no other way to put it! The whole world was eager to witness the marriage of the famous and balding Prince William to the exquisitely beautiful Catherine Middleton. I'm sure every unmarried woman in the world had a rather fun time dreaming of their own wedding day (I sure did!) or just dreaming of their non-existing future with the still-available Prince Harry. Good luck with that girls!

Firstly, I thought that 3 hours was just way too long for the guests' arrival. We were all dying to see the bride and groom, although I reckon that majority of the viewers didn't even budge from their seats and continued to watch loyally, albeit impatiently, and awaited the Princes' and the future Princess's arrivals. But I have to admit, I had a rather good time looking at people's outfits and ooh-ing and aah-ing at the ridiculously fancy hats. Many people were fascinated by the hats that the attending women donned, but after a while the hats just got bigger and more Lady Gaga-ish. Especially Princess Beatrice's hat.

It was quite easy to spot the Agung and his wife though, thanks to the hat fascinators. All I had to do was look for a woman wearing a scarf instead of a shoe-esque hat and some other unique head decorations.

Anyway, everything was lovely! I was very anxiously waiting for the bride, as was everyone else in the world, to see what her wedding dress would look like. Kate Middleton looked stunning in her Alexander McQueen dress. She looked so calm and collected; and to think that she did her own hair and make up! Amazing. With her poise, elegance, beauty, kindness, and the calmness that she exudes, I'd say there's no one else fit to be Prince William's princess.

What saddens me is the fact that Princess Diana couldn't witness her eldest son's wedding and get to know her daughter-in-law. It was said that one seat at the wedding was reserved for Princess Diana. How sad! :( If she was still alive she would certainly be proud of her son's splendid choice of a wife.

I really think that Kate has Diana's smile. Don't you think so? I am in awe of her beauty. I admire her so much, and for more reasons than one. Some people said that she didn't toss her bouquet, instead, to respect her husband, she would lay her flowers on Princess Diana's grave. Though, some sources said that she laid them on the tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Either way, it's very honourable and respectful.

She'll definitely make a great princess. She has good fashion sense, too, no doubt about that. She looks gorgeous all the time, hands down. It's so cute how her style is also inspired by Princess Diana. Ah, I can go on and on about this! And I haven't even talked about Prince Harry and Pippa Middleton yet!

I'm just gonna attempt to put this shortly: Pippa Middleton, Kate's younger sister is so pretty and I hope Fate brings her and the adorable Prince Harry together somehow! :B

Also, Kate's mother doesn't look like she has a 29-year-old daughter at all. Now we all know where Kate got her good looks (and her smashing physique) from! Alright, I better stop now before I get REALLY carried away.

I really loved the Royal Wedding and of course, corny as it may sound, I want my wedding to be similar to it as much as possible. Yes, the open-top carriage included! :)

Congratulations to the newlyweds! I hope their love will remain true and everlasting. Till death do them apart :')

It's so much more beautiful than a fairytale. Catherine Elizabeth Middleton; you're living every girl's dream. You are one hell of a lucky lady to have your dreams come true and actually become a princess.

P/S: I'm sorry for polluting your timelines on Twitter about the Royal Wedding. Had to get the excitement out of my system and share it with everyone :) my apologies!

I'm Not Gonna Cry

2011-04-10T17:39:00.004+08:00

One of the songs that we used for graduation. Always gets me feeling blue every time I listen to it. I really miss my high school friends.

And they live happily ever after..

2011-04-07T16:47:00.005+08:00

Nowadays I am suddenly aching for my childhood; I find myself excited and eager whenever my mum would mention something that happened in the past. I would compare the TV shows that they air on Disney channel now, to the ones in the 90's. It's pointless, because I'll still end up rooting for the ones I used to watch: That's So Raven, Lizzie McGuire, Phil of the Future, So Little Time, etc etc. How I miss those crayon days!

My mum also said that when I was about 3, I used to watch Lion King everyday with my sister. We pretty much memorized the lines after a while so I guess we just watched it for the sound effects.

By the way, have I ever told you that I was a typical Disney Princesses girl back then? Well I still am now. I was very much into happily ever afters and prince charmings, being swept off one's feet by the man of her dreams. Yes, that was me indeed. I still love those, but of course, it's about time that life kicks in and makes me realize that it's not always that way in reality.

I've really missed the movies. Recently I've watched Beauty and the Beast, Mulan and Cinderella. Will watch The Little Mermaid soon; and maybe I'll download some more :) hello again princesses!

P/s: Perhaps I can put on a tiara whenever I watch the Disney Princesses. Just saying.

She wonders

2011-04-05T23:35:00.002+08:00

Hi. It's been a while since I've written. Really, with no school anymore and no exams to study for, I thought I'd be blogging more. But then I fell in love with something else. No, scratch that. I fell in love with someone. 5 someones to be precise: Ted, Robin, Marshall, Lily and Barney. Yes, I have finally succumbed to the temptation although I've told my cousin (who has been an addict of HIMYM for ages now) time and time again that it is annoying when he keeps on saying "awesome." For a few weeks HIMYM was a huge part of my daily life. It was my bedtime story, my savior when I was bored or lonely. Then I finished watching all the episodes, and suddenly I have absolutely nothing to do. Okay, I lie, that is an exaggeration. But still.

So if any of you guys are wondering what I have been up to (so not counting on that), I've been working at Tumble Tots to fill the time. I can't believe it's April now; going to college soon insyaAllah. I'm so scared.

Also, I've been extremely occupied with graduation things these past few weeks, along with some of my friends. Decided to take on the responsibility since no one else was willing to. The ceremony and the dinner weren't too bad; but! The preparations were exhausting. So thankful it's over now.

But of course, there are still other things to think about.. Going through a rough patch now, don't know who to talk to, what to do, what I'm supposed to say. Posting about it will be too public; I don't know who's reading my blog nowadays.

Plastering a smile on my face; I wonder who notices the pain in my eyes.

NO!

2011-01-22T18:26:00.002+08:00

OMG OMG OMG OMG. I am like soooo OMG. Okay wait let me calm myself down just enough to form a proper sentence. Deep breaths.

RESULTS ARE COMING OUT SOON! I don't know what I should feel now. Thousands of scenarios have been running through my head since the past week and I'm not surprised if my brain just shuts down suddenly. IT'S KILLING ME. I'm sorry. Results and stuff have always been a big deal to me. I panic a lot. And I mean A LOT. Sorry. I'm sorry.

I just hope I didn't fail anything :( Oh and OMGGGG. I don't know! What if there's a B? I mean, that's not so bad right? Could've been worse. But what if there's a C?! AH CRAP. WHAT THE HELL. BYE.

Snow and Sand

2011-01-05T15:07:00.006+08:00

So I'm back home now, at last! Getting to go on holiday with my family was a blessing, but home is home, I'll have to admit. It's been nice going away and being able to forget about - some of - the problems at home.

The flights were terribly long, though. That's the worst part of all. We stopped in Doha so the flights were shorter (7 hours from KL to Doha and then 6 from Doha to London) but even then, I suffered in the plane. I have trouble sitting still for a long time you see, and it's not like you can do much in a plane. Sleeping was a chore instead of a peaceful bliss and eating was an obligation instead of a choice. The food wasn't that bad, but it wasn't much either.

Anyway, it was cold when we got to London. There was some snow here and there but the snow in the park near our apartment has turned to ice. But that didn't stop us from throwing snowballs (or iceballs, more like it) at each other.

We went to a few places, sometimes just walking down the streets where the apartment was in. We went to watch the Lion King theatre and oh em gee, it was amazing. The costumes were splendid and the backdrop, flawless. The choreography was awesome, I tell you.

Shopping was of course, an important part of the trip. We headed to Swindon on Boxing Day, since the road to Bicester would be packed as hell. It was alright, but we like Bicester much better. The next day we decided to go to Oxford. Mum wanted to see the university, and since it was quite near to Bicester, we could just head there on our way back. The park in Oxford was sooo white and the snow was still super fluffy, so we all got excited and since we were the only ones there, we were jumping and throwing huge snowballs at each other - and when I say "we", I mean everyone, including my parents. Mistake: our clothes got wet and we didn't bring any spares.

Bicester was still packed and it took AGES to get there. Some of us in the car were dying to go to the loo. And lots of the shops there made the customers queue up outside so that there weren't too many people inside. I despised this, because the line outside Ralph Lauren and a few other shops I wanted to go to were impossibly long. Damn those people, they were supposed to be with their family, not in front of an outlet store!

We visited some friends as well, there. On Christmas we went to 3 houses and we ate at all 3. All heavy meals. I thought I could've exploded by the time we went to the third house.

Theeeen after all the hullabaloo in London, it was time to fly to Qatar. We stayed there for 2 days with a family friend and those 2 days were well spent. The first day we went out to a fish harbor, just for a while, and then had lunch before we drove around for a bit and then that night we went to the Souq (is that how you spell it?) or you can call it the marketplace. After that we just drove around The Pearl for a bit and later on decided to call it a day.

The next morning, we went to the dunes. Now this, is an indescribable experience. First off we went to some beach, and after having lunch us kids and the dads went to ride ATVs while the mums and my mum's friend's 3-year-old son (and the maid) stayed behind. Now I know most of you have gone on ATVs before, and call me lame for only having ridden it for the first time, but come on, try driving on the desert! IT WAS AWESOME. It was bumpy, and sometimes the bike got stuck, but it was incredibly fun, nonetheless.

After that we drove off further into the desert for at least an hour's drive to another beach. I was so excited to be in the middle of nowhere for some reason, but I thought that if the car broke down (God forbids) I wonder how help would've found us. There were 2 other cars with us, too.

We had a pitstop because some of us had to pee. And guess how we did it? Well, the bedouins' way of course! This part makes me laugh all the time. Okay, so my mum's friend has this tent which we're supposed to use when we answer nature's call. I call it "the portable, flyable, movable toilet". You dig a small hole, put the tent over it, and you pee. Convenient, ain't it? The best thing is that you don't have to wait till you reach the closest rest area - you just get out, dig a hole and pee! EPIC.

We stayed at the beach till the sun sets. We played, took some pictures, ate of course, the kids flew a kite, and when it was dark we packed up our stuff and set off home with the help of a GPS. You literally can't see anything from inside the car except for other cars' headlights. Which was why my dad's friend hit a really big sand dune and got the car stuck there for a minute. The car actually rammed into the dune. It was scary for a minute before we started laughing and joking about it. I'll never ever forget that day.

My body ached when we got home, and I think it's because of the ATV, and the ride into the desert. Got only 3 hours of sleep that night because our flight was pretty early the next morning. And what a surprise, I had to sit beside a GIGANTIC man in the plane. He extends his arm just a bit and his elbow was already intruding half of my space, so I had to sit in the right half of my seat most of the time. I felt like smacking his head for some reason. I needed to sleep, for crying out loud.

From snow to sand dunes; this vacation was awesome. Just awesome. Pictures will be on Facebook insyaAllah!

What a Mess.

2010-12-19T14:47:00.003+08:00

What is the world coming to? Children are starting to say bad words, demanding too much, and most of them don't even respect older people. Teenagers? Drink, drugs, parties, sex, throwing away babies, shouting vulgar words without any care in the world as though it is fine to do so. Disturbing other people, and they think it's cool?

I mean, you see all kinds of people now. You don't have to go very far, just see, say, Pavilion. Teenagers are all over the place. I'm not saying that teenagers shouldn't be allowed there, but come on. The way they dress, their etiquette, behavior, their purpose of being there. They think it's cool to hang out there? With their cameras and stuff. Smoking. It's a shame, really, knowing that most of the people doing this are the Malays. That's supposed to be a public place. Where tourists go, and where families spend their weekends. I feel sorry for the kids nowadays; they are exposed to so many bad examples.

And if that's the case in KL, I don't even want to know what's going on in other countries. It's bad enough here, so I can imagine that it's much worse somewhere else.

Being a dreamer, I always think about my future. About having my own kids one day. I'm sure all you girls out there think about that, too. Okay, maybe not all. But still.. Seeing what the world is like right now frightens me. Everything is messed up. Even the cartoons aren't good for children no more, what with all the brainwashing and shit. Pardon my French.

It's terrible! How does one bring up a child in a place like this? Nothing is ever safe. And the kidnapping, the raping, murders.. It's just too much. I still don't understand how people can be so cruel. They're too greedy. They want power, money, fame, a big house, 57 cars, a mansion in Italy with designer furniture. Sure, that would be nice, but they're doing it all wrong. Why doesn't anybody care about doing things the right way for a change?

I just don't think it's a safe place to raise children anymore. If only there was another planet where we can start all over again.

Paint.

2010-12-13T20:59:00.004+08:00

I get really really jealous when I see a nicely painted or sketched drawing. Try as I might, I have always been - and always will be - hopeless when it comes to art. I mean, even my squiggles and those simple floral patterns are hideous! Some people can just take a pencil and simply come up with a marvelous picture of Elvis. And sometimes they'd just start with pointless, ugly lines and after a few minutes, well whaddaya know, it's a dinosaur!

I totally envy those who can draw. I like art, I'd love to draw something, anything, if only it doesn't end up looking like someone was trying to draw a straw house using their foot.

Speaking of paintings, I remember one particular painting in my grandparents' house in Johor. It's of a little boy with a tear on his cheek. See, this painting has always freaked me and my cousins out when we were kids. It's like the boy is staring straight at you, or through you. It was hung on the wall right above the stairs, in front of my grandparents' room. The hallway there is always so dark, so you get the idea - every time we walk there, we always try to avoid looking at the picture and just run past it. My grandma had always asked my grandpa to remove it; but it sure took a lot of time till it finally was removed. I swear, I think most of us in the family still get the creeps whenever we remember about the picture. It's so nightmarish.

Bum.

2010-12-06T21:47:00.002+08:00

I'm such a lazy bum. I have to start being more like Cinderella. Clean, cook, dust. My sister can cook 3 dishes now. Yeaaah, she actually cooked. Don't worry, the kitchen is still in good form (surprisingly) and nobody got food poisoning. She proudly told my dad about her achievement, stating that she can now cook 3 things. My dad, being the sarcastic man that he is, said "That's 3 more than Fatin." Ouch.

What oh what am I going to do for 6 months? Singing in the shower and typing 50 000 words a day do not get me anywhere. That's so not productive. I have to get a job. But where? Accessorize in KLCC is hiring for part-time or full-time staff. That's something to think about. Though I don't know if I can stay in front of MNG the whole day everyday and avoid the compulsion to go there even though I don't have any money and absolutely no valid reason to buy something from there.

Or, do I go to computer and photography classes? Maybe I can take cooking lessons. If only I can take my driving license in the meantime. *sigh* That would be a good way to pass the time. But nooooo, it's not even an option.

Que sera, sera.

Choices.

2010-12-02T22:17:00.003+08:00

I am so bored. Desperately. Bored.

I'm just that much close to getting sick of reading and going online all the time. There's not much at home that I feel like eating, so that only leaves me with the TV. And half the programs are so boring most of the time. My parents are questioning me AGAIN whether I want to go to college in January or July. I thought we agreed on enrolling in July. Now they've got me thinking and deciding all over again. Why is it so hard to make choices? When we're given a choice, we hope that the answer is clear. Sometimes, we wish that we weren't given a choice in the first place, considering the difficulty of reaching a finality. But then again, on the other hand, when we don't have any choices, we whine and complain about the rights of being given a choice.

So what do we want, actually?

Urgh

2010-11-27T17:13:00.002+08:00

Bored bored bored. Lazy lazy lazy.

I wake up in the morning, usually at 10 or 11, stay in bed until 12, take a shower, go downstairs, have brunch, watch a movie or go online, eat lunch, watch a movie, download more movies, go online, eat some more, go online, have dinner, watch a movie, go upstairs at 11 or 12, watch a movie, eat, read a book, and sleep at 2 the earliest.

My routine everyday. Unbelievable. My laptop is on for more than 12 hours a day. But the most incredible part is, I've never followed a routine before.

Already?

2010-11-25T20:26:00.002+08:00

Oh my God my Blogger is DEAD. Sorry. I've been spending my time studying for the exams. Or at least doing other stuff other than going online so that people don't think that I don't study at home. You know what I mean.

School's over for me. The fact that I'm done with high school still hasn't hit me fully yet. Seems like it was just yesterday when I learned about square roots. Heck, I still remember the times when I could count my age with my 2 hands. Soon I can't even count my age with my fingers and toes combined.

Why do we have to grow up so fast? Feels like we're going on fast forward here. I have 7 months from now before I go off to college. COLLEGE. I'm not ready to go to COLLEGE. I don't wanna be away from home!

It's kind of stupid but my brain is still programmed to be a kid. Okay, maybe not a nine year old. Just somewhere in between being a child and an adult. Not a girl, but not yet a woman. I just want to have fun. Sounds irresponsible for a 17-year-old girl, but hey, when I say "have fun", I don't mean clubbing and all those stuff. Just, you know. Run in the rain, pull a silly face when I think no one's looking, live freely without having to worry about assignments and getting a job during the semester break.

Childhood is so much more fun.

2010-09-07T01:56:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, all I can do is just laugh..

At how silly me and my friends or family are acting.
At the slightest change in someone's facial expression.
At all the little things that I find amusing.
At random people around me, minding their own business.
At the way people talk.

Basically, I sometimes laugh at strange, random things.

And sometimes, even when something hurts, I still laugh. Why? Because the matter may just be small, and I am perhaps a little too sensitive to even let it be an issue. Silly me :)

I wonder; am I one who worries too much? Who cares too much? If other people are in my shoes, would they be worrying about the things that I am worrying about now? Maybe some things are worrying. But then, on the other hand, they probably would toss half of the subjects aside and choose to get on with life.

I am a complicated being, I know. But I am also naive. And inexperienced. Some problems are too complex for me to comprehend. Or am I too complex for the problems? Hmm. You know what, I think, as I grow older, I gain the ability to confuse myself more and more. Interesting, no?

Raya raya raya

2010-09-04T23:18:00.003+08:00

Omg raya is coming! :D

Raya is always fun. The food, the smiles, the laughter. It's probably the best time of the year. I especially love our family gathering. It's fun, just because. Everyone in the family has that bit of a child in them, no matter how hard it is to show for some people. My grandparents' house in Johor is always crowded on the first day of Raya, and my cousin used to say it's like Hajj season there. Sometimes it's hard to even turn around to walk the other way. I know. That bad! Haha. Well I have a big family, so that explains it. There's always a hullabaloo somewhere in the house. Last year my little cousin Nabil accidentally hit his head against the wall while he was playing and the cut needed stitches.

But it's always enjoyable, hands down. Ask me what's so fun about our family gatherings, and I wouldn't be able to describe it to you. Ask me what made me laugh the whole day and I probably won't even remember. But there is always something to laugh about. It's crazy most of the time. Kind of helps to keep things off my mind for a while, you know?

Family gatherings have always been something to look forward to. Definitely :) Can't wait for Raya.

AND THE DUIT RAYA! ;)

53

2010-08-31T18:47:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MALAYSIA! <3

No matter how many times I wish that I lived in another country,
No matter how much I want you to have more than one season,
No matter how much better it would be if your roads were much much cleaner;

You are my homeland and there is definitely no other place like home :)

Nothing beats the kedai mamaks and the football craze and the night markets and the Bazaar Ramadhans and the Raya celebrations and the endless festivals in this multiracial country. And not to forget the continuous Sales during the festivals :D

Oh and thank you God, for blessing us with such a beautiful place as our home :)

Bladiblah

2010-08-22T14:01:00.003+08:00

Life is hard, isn't it? Time and time again something happens and I am reminded of the fact that nothing comes easy. You can only achieve something through sacrifices and hard work.

When am I going to start taking life seriously? I don't know. I try to. But my head is so messed up I can't think straight most of the time. The fact that I have an empty stomach right now doesn't help anything either.

I am yet again in the phase where even little things piss me off. I don't explode though. But I'm stressed out and then, I have gastric. Always my tummy.

What a mess. Does this always happen to me and only me? This "I don't really know what's happening but something's off somewhere and I feel like jumping off the roof" thing? Because from what I see, people are smiling. Oh sure, you see me smiling too, don't you?

:) I can act.

Ramadhan

2010-08-12T12:28:00.004+08:00

Ramadhan Mubarak everybody!

I want to apologize for any mistakes that I've ever done to all of you; either intentionally or not. I hope you have the best Ramadhan yet, and may Allah bless us all and grant us with His Forgiveness and Mercy. Amen.

I'm so happy that I get the chance to meet Ramadhan again. I was really excited. Literally. I was practically jumping around the house when Ramadhan arrived. Thank you, God, for giving me this opportunity. Alhamdulillah :)

Remember to be good in this special month. Watch your words, try not to listen to any songs, try to stay away from the TV, don't backbite, control your anger, control your desires, read Quran more and abstain yourselves from all evil deeds. Watch your words!

This is the best time to change and be a better Muslim. The perfect time to shed all our bad habits and collect new ones. The most ideal time to seek for Allah's Forgiveness for our past sins. It's just the right time for a new beginning.

May Allah make it easy for you and me. InsyaAllah.

Oh yeah, just a reminder, stay away from the cookie jars! ;) I think I'm gonna bake whenever I have the time. And eat the cookies myself. Muahaha. Cookie monster (:

Have a great Ramadhan everybody <3

2010-08-09T23:46:00.002+08:00

No, life isn't always easy. But the point is that, you have to keep holding on no matter what.

You can't go to the past to fix the present. But you can live in the present and make your own future. Or you can give up and die.

I choose to live.

Stars

2010-07-29T12:28:00.002+08:00

Did you ever notice how beautiful the night sky is? MasyaAllah. I just love looking at the twinkling stars at night. Before I go to sleep, I always peek outside the window just to see if there are clouds in the sky. If there's none, I'll go outside on the balcony and try to count the stars, eventhough I know that it's impossible. I do that just for the fun of it, because I noticed that the harder I try to count the stars, more seem to appear. It's as though they're teasing me; having a good laugh at my silly and futile attempt. But I like it.

I feel like a small child; so easily fascinated by the stars. Nobody else seems to care about how amazing the sky looks at night. Or maybe, they don't care just as much. Or perhaps I'm the one who gets overly excited at the sight of something so beautiful. Yeah, probably.

On Tuesday night there was a full moon. Reminded me of Dear John :') Darn that book. Savannah didn't end up with John in the end. But darn the movie even more, because in the movie Tom died and Savannah and John met outside a cafe and they hugged.. So I don't know if it means that they're back together again or not, but that's not supposed to happen! The ending was supposed to be heartbreakingly painstakingly romantic and undeniably selfless and sweet. And being a girly girl who likes mushy sweet love stories, I cried when I finished reading the book. Nothing new there.

The full moon was so bright in the dark velvet sky; I was so captivated and hypnotized and mesmerized. I just came back from tuition that time, and my mum was trying to get out of the car. I quickly pulled her out and asked her to look at the moon. She was confused at what the fuss was all about and said, "Sejak bila Fatin jadi pencinta bulan and bintang ni?" and I went "But it's so preeeettyyyyyyyy." Got her even more confused. I claimed three stars to be 'mine', but it turned out that one of the stars that I chose was a satellite. Another star I saw one night was actually an airplane. How ironic, for someone who claims to be a star lover. But I don't mind. As long as something's twinkling. It gets me singing every time.

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now.

Stupid Mistake

2010-07-25T15:00:00.004+08:00

What have I done? :(

Oh Lord.

I sometimes wonder why I do what I do and then regret it afterwards because naturally, logically, if I had known that something's wrong and that I shouldn't do it, I'd never do it in the first place. Now I just feel bad. I understand now how some people wish that they can turn back the hands of time and fix things. I want that now. I really do. I just don't understand it. Why was I so stupid? Why did I let myself be exposed to such a big mistake? I hate this. I hate myself.

We gotta start looking at the hands of the time we've been given

If this is all we got, then we gotta start thinking

If every second counts on the clock that's ticking

Gotta live like we're dying.

We only got 86 400 seconds in a day

To turn it all around or to throw it all away

Gotta tell em that we love em while we got the chance to say

Gotta live like we're dying

Yeah, I know you can tell by the sounds of it that I'm having my emo moment again. I'm sorry. I just need to. I think. Sometimes I feel like isolating myself from other people. Sometimes. To keep the bad vibes all to myself, you know. I wouldn't want to trouble anyone with my stupid problems or mood swings whenever I'm facing a rough patch in life. But I guess everybody goes through shit; it's part of growing up.

While the floors underneath our feet are crumbling, the walls we built together tumbling

I still stand here holding up the roof..

'Cause it's easier than telling the truth

Don't

2010-07-15T12:32:00.006+08:00

This is ridiculous. I've been waiting for the internet to be set up at home for ages. Something just had to get in the way.

I need to start washing the balcony. Apparently the lizards seem to think that it looks like a suitable place to be a toilet. Bloody reptiles. Just because I hate you doesn't mean you have to poop on my balcony.

I want to learn how to cook. And bake. I have to. I'm seventeen and I'm practically useless in the kitchen. All I do is open the cabinets with hopes of finding something nice to eat and fill my tummy. And yet I still haven't reached the four-oh on the weighing scale.

Do not cut your own hair unless it's already disastrous, like Einstein's. Take my advice; trust me.

Stop buying Nestle. Don't eat McDonalds. Ignore any cravings for a double cheeseburger. Buy more granola bars for pick up-and-go. Get snacks for TV time, sweets for bedtime and chocolates for any time.

Be fit and happy. Exercise exercise exercise. Or maybe just go up and down the stairs more often.

Don't tell me not to live,

Just sit and putter,

Life's candy and the sun's

A ball of butter.

Don't bring around a cloud

To rain on my parade.

Don't tell me not to fly -

I've simply got to.

If someone takes a spill,

It's me and not you.

Who told you you're allowed

To rain on my parade?

WHO?

Waka waka

2010-07-05T15:11:00.003+08:00

Argentina, you broke my heart. 4-0? :( All my hopes of getting a top from Forever 21 are crushed now. I could've saved freaking RM109. Thank you, Argentina. I will remember this heartbreak forever. You too, Messi. I believed in you :(

Hello

2010-07-01T13:17:00.002+08:00

HELLO PEOPLE! Yes, I'm still alive. I know, I haven't updated my blog or been online for quite a little while. Just so you know, my family and I haved moved into the new house on the 19th of June 2010. Till now, there's still work going on in the house.

Yeah, it's still buzzing with minor construction here and there. Just minor ones. Wardrobes and stuff. We don't have a house phone yet; Walid has just registered for a new number yesterday I think, and we don't have internet at home. So yeah. It kind of sucks. Our neighbour doesn't use wireless so my only hope is school. Grr. But they block facebook so there's no way I can check what's happening on mine.

I miss the internet. *sighs*

I went out last week with Syira, Najwa, Naqib and Umar. YYYEEESSS. We went shopping :) I felt so satisfied and I came home feeling really good. Don't ask how much I spent. Haha. It's not much though. I just found out that I feel better every time I spend. It's kind of dangerous, I guess. Somehow when I buy stuff for myself, everything seems beautiful and happy, and I feel satisfied.. And when the satisfaction wears off, and things turn ugly, I'll feel the need to shop to feel good again.

It's bad. I know. It's scary. Well I still have my self-control.. No, I AM NOT A SHOPAHOLIC. I just like to spend.. Well, uhm, yeah. Write to you later. Toodles.

2010-06-10T18:13:00.001+08:00

I never thought you would. It's nothing big, but now a big chunk of me feels.. betrayed? I don't know what to feel right now. I'm confused.

Thoughts

2010-06-10T11:09:00.002+08:00

I am not in a really good shape. Now don't be silly, I don't look like a pear or a pumpkin, don't worry. I meant it emotionally. I feel really down now and I don't know why. I hate this. I want to be okay for the people around me; I try my hardest to be upbeat and happy most of the time but the attempt drains the life out of me. It's tiring and I decided to give up trying and just let myself be miserable (though I try to control it so that others won't feel miserable as well) for a while. It'll pass. It always does.

I guess what I really need right now is some alone time. I dream of going to the beach and just listen as the waves crash on the shore, feel the breeze in my face and drink in the silence as I hear the thoughts in my head. Unfortunately, living in KL without a car of my own, and a driver's license, for that matter, makes it rather impossible.

I honestly wish to write more but everything seems to irritate me to the core right now so I guess I'll stop before I reach my boiling/breaking point, whichever comes first. I shall retreat to my shell now and try to calm myself down. Have a nice day, lovelies.

Ants

2010-05-31T18:31:00.002+08:00

School has been so boring. You know, they should've just given us some time off after our first sitting, since it's not like we're having that much class now. Many people aren't coming to school and the boys' and girls' classes have to combine. And we don't really have much to do most of the time. Blegh. It sucks.

So anyway, this morning before going to school, I sat on the couch in the living room after putting on my scarf and all, while waiting for the others to get ready. Naqib told me that there were ants on my scarf. Najwa said the ants have been walking on my head since before. I was like,

"Oh, kakak manis sangat lah tu."

Then my mum cracked up. HAHAHA.

Stolen

2010-05-30T17:27:00.001+08:00

1. Bold the statements that ARE true to you.

2. Italicize the statements that you WISH were true.

3. Leave the rest alone.

*******************

I’m 170cm tall.

I don’t know what I want at the moment.
I’m not happy.

I hate my friends.

I hate my life.

I hate my grades.
I can drive.

I’m bored of driving.

I have a white handbag.
I love dancing.

I go clubbing every week.

Shopping is bullshit.

I have a tattoo of a star.

I got my navel pierced.

I have friends that take drugs.

90% of my friends smoke.

I still hang out with my ex.

I’m studying Fashion.
I have a business running.

I hate cartoons.

I hate someone.

I have 10 Lollipops handbags.

I buy CLEO every month.
My parents don’t know about my blog.
I have an iPod.

I don’t have faith in the current “one”.

My school mates know about my blog.

I wanted to be a fashion designer.

I love rock emo bands.

I hate it when people cancel last minute meet ups.

I’m a rebel.

I don’t believe in love.

High school's filled with drama.

My parents have faith in me.

I’ve bought shoes this month.

A blogger bitched about me before.

I hate sports.

I heart Italian food.

I hate meeting new people.

I hate nail polish.

The mother bear gives me hugs.

People should start appreciating me.

High school was the worst time of my life.

I have red hair.

One Utama is my second home.

I’m a guy.

I’m scared of my Biology exam.

I hate vacations.

We’ll last :)
I believe in long distance relationships.

I’m going to get high and smoke weed one day soon.

I’ve robbed an old lady.

I’m starting to like applying make-up.

I was a tomboy.

At times I think I still am a tomboy.

I love bitching about people behind their backs.

I still have a best friend.
I have a cat.

I hate surprise parties.

I hate planning parties.

Video games are a waste of time.
I love being in love.
I know how to cook.
I have 100% freedom.

Boys are assholes.

I hate Math.
I’m happy with what I have.
I love horror films.

My old friends keep in touch with me.

I don’t read newspapers.

The news is such a waste of time.

Blogging is a waste of time.

I hate animals.

I can’t live without make-up.

I curse like a pirate.

I’m happy with my 11 year old car.

I hate people that are smart.

I love Orange juice.

I can’t drink for nuts.

I hate the colour grey.

I’ve got a new phone.
I’m going to get a new shirt.
I love swimming.

I haven’t worked out since March.

I love my friends and family.

The Grass Is Always Greener On The Other Side

2010-05-26T13:25:00.002+08:00

1. The phone rings; who do you want it to be?
:)

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Yes.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
It depends. If no one's doing the talking, I'll do it.

4. Do you take compliments well?
Maybe? Haha. Depends on my mood.

5. Do you play Sudoku?
I used to.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
For a short period of time, sure.

7. Do you like to ride horses?
Yes.

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
Yes, and it was a nightmare. For me it was, anyway.

9. What was your favorite game as a kid?
I can't remember.

10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you go for it?
No, I don't wanna be a marriage wrecker.

11. Have you lied to get out of a date?
Nope.

12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?
No.

13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
It depends on what you're talking about.

14. Use three words to describe yourself?
Demanding, choosy, childish.

15. Do any songs make you cry?
HAHA :D

16. Are you continuing your education?
Of course.

17. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
No.

18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?
The fridge, if that's possible.

19. How often do you read books?
Very often.

20. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
All of em.

21. What is your favorite children's book?
Anything by Enid Blyton and Jacqueline Wilson.

22. What color are your eyes?
Brown.

23. How tall are you?
Taller than a garden gnome :)

24. Where is your dream house located?
Somewhere on this Earth.

25. Do you name your teddybear?
xD

26. Have you tried sushi?
Yes, I was forced to.

27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
Nope.

28. When was the last time you were at primary school?
When I was 12?

29. When was the last time you were at Church?
I don't go to church.

30. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
I was home pretty much since morning.

31. What was your favorite job?
Haven't had one.

32. Do you like mustard?
I don't dislike it either.

33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
BOTH!

34. Do you look like your mom or dad?
I'd say I look like my dad more, but some people say I resemble my mum in some ways :)

35. How long does it take you in the shower?
I take a longer time if I sing.

36. Can you do the splits?
Almost :/

37. What movie do you want to see right now?
The Last Song.

38. If you could fast forward your life, would you?
No, I'd like to proceed one moment at a time.

39. What did you do for the previous New Year?
My family and I were in Dubai, just walking around.

40. Do you think The Grudge was scary?
Didn't watch it.

41. Could you relate to a character in Mean Girls?
Just a teeny wee bit? :P

42. Do you own a camera phone?
Mhmm.

43. Do you have an "ex box" with pics and letters from past lovers?
I don't collect lovers, mind you.

44. Was your mom a cheerleader?
Noooo.

45. What's the last letter of your middle name?
I don't have a middle name.

46. Do you like your middle name?
-

47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
Depends.

48. Do you like panda?
Not a big fan.

49. What do you buy at the movies?
Popcorn, Twisties, drinks.

50. Do you know how to play poker?
Nope.

51. Do you wear your seatbelt?
No, I don't like it (:

52. What do you wear to sleep?
Pyjamas.

53. Anything big ever happen in your hometown?
Do floods count?

54. How many meals do you eat a day?
Countless.

55. Are you easy to get along with?
If I'm in a good mood, then yes :)

56. What is your favorite time of day?
All the time.

Day One

2010-05-22T13:40:00.003+08:00

This is going to be a long day. And now seems like a good time to blog since I am helplessly bored and I have nothing else to do. Because my brain feels like throwing up the little collection of words that it has.

So the first sitting of iGCSE is over and done with yesterday, and I happily announce that I feel relieved about it. I don't know if I'm quite that satisfied with my performance in the exams, and I'm certainly worried about my results, but I guess there's nothing I can do about the past now. I did my very best and I hope it paid off. Though, I must say, I'm not very happy about the listening paper yesterday. Halfway through it, the tape got stuck and the recording skipped a few seconds so we couldn't really get some of the answers. We wanted the invigilator to rewind, since we were supposed to listen to every section twice, but he waved off our requests and gave us 5 extra minutes to "check our papers". How the hell we were supposed to do that without listening to the tape, I have no idea. One of the IIS students who was sitting for the paper with us said, "But you won't replay the tape, so how can we check our papers? It's not like I can recall in my head everything that the tape said." You know, he had a good point. But the guy insisted that we stayed quiet in our seats and went through our work before he collected them. That really pissed us off, but I guess he's been doing this invigilating job for a longer time than we thought because he just sort of blocked out our remarks and stayed calm in front of the hall. The only thing I could do that time was stop myself from going up to him and give him a good fat slap across the face. I wouldn't have a good reason to do so, but at least I'd get to vent out my anger at the person who'd caused it. If you know what I mean.

I've got absolutely nothing purposeful for me to do today. My parents have gone out to find plants and dining chairs for the house. I didn't follow because I showered at 11 today, by which time they'd had to head off already. Well, I wouldn't wanna follow anyway. I'd be stuck looking at green leaves and discussing about its tedious maintenance and the size of a tree when its fully grown, and if caterpillars would be a threat to its perfectly shaped leaves. Also, the fact that my siblings have to stay at home and study for their midterm exams (HAHA. I'm done with mine!) would mean that I won't have anyone to accompany me while I sit on a flowerpot and wait till my parents are done at the nursery. All I want is a day out at the mall, regardless of how many times I've been there and how well I can already navigate through it, and search for good valuables to spend my money on. But it's already the middle of the day, and I doubt that anyone would be up for a last minute plan. Plus I wouldn't have anyone to send me to the train station anyway.

Which reminds me. I'm going to turn 17 soon, and I'll be legal to take my driving license then. Getting my license would be a good way to fill in my free time next week, considering that my batch have just finished our exams and decided that almost everyone would take the week off. Unless my mum lets me hang out with my peers and agrees to send me to their houses or the train station at the very least, I won't have anything to do the whole week. Things would be a lot easier if I could drive, but try telling that to my dad. He's just as stubborn as I am.

And there you go. A long, winding, purposeless post. Have a nice day everybody.

Done

2010-05-19T21:28:00.002+08:00

The worst part of the exam is OOOVVVEEERRRR! The first sitting, I mean. I was so happy when the Maths paper was over I started talking at bullet train speed. I was practically spitting out words spontaneously. Seriously, there was no way my brain could've processed 20 words per second.

Maths does that to me, see. It either makes me cry or it flips my brain upside down. I kept going on about the Maths paper that we did this morning, to the probability that the paper might have just rotated my brain 180 degrees, so on and so forth. The others were laughing and gawking at the rate of how fast and how long I could speak without breathing. At one point, Tim freaked out and shouted at me. "TIN! Kalau kau bercakap macam ni, aku taknak balik dengan kau! Penat aku nak layan!"

I was so relieved by the fact that we only have our Malay paper and the English listening paper left. So that means we don't have anything else to study for the May/June sitting, considering the fact that our Malay paper is of the same level as that of the Primary 3's, and we obviously don't have anything to read for the listening paper.

But we'll have the exams on different days; Malay on Thursday morning, and English on Friday evening. Grr, what a bummer. If the listening paper was in the morning on Friday, all of us could've gone out after that, and have lunch together or something. But oh well. We'll be free next week, while the others will just be starting their First Semester examinations. Lalala :P

Though, I must say, the taste of freedom is a bit short-lived. We still have the second sitting subjects to tackle; I'll have my Add Maths, Biology, Physics, Chemistry and Islamic Studies. Oh, joy. Just thinking about it kills my energy.

One Down

2010-05-12T18:08:00.002+08:00

Done with Maths Paper 2. I was so nervous this morning that I had the freakish tendency to make everything absolutely perfect. I moved around the house with measured speed, thinking things through before I touched anything around me.

My mind was doing too much work that I almost applied deodorant on my uniform. Don't ask me how that could've happened. Well at least if I really did that my school uniform would be sweat-free for 24 hours. That's good, right?

My tummy wasn't cooperating either. I only ate one piece of chicken nugget and decided that it was enough to get me going in the morning. If I ingested more I think I would seriously throw up.

Went to school early, met my friends and got good luck hugs from them. Asked everybody if they had their Statement of Entry with them and if they had to clean their glasses. I told them to make sure that they had all their stationery in their transparent pencil cases. Head-counted everybody to make sure everyone was there before the van took off to IIS. I felt like a mum for a while there.

Then I checked my stationery for the 5000th time to make sure that none of my pencils ran away when I was asleep. I told you I had the urge to make everything perfect. Call me a dopey-freak-loser, but I named all my stationery last night. Yes. I wrote random names on stickers and pasted them on my pens and sharpener. Things like this happen when my nerves are acting up. I'm weird, I know. There's no beating around the bush about this one.

The paper was okay. It wasn't that tough. Alhamdulillah. I was sure I did a pretty great job - after checking my paper 10 times, cover to cover. Seriously, I need to give my brain a break sometimes. But let's not jump to conclusions just yet.

ICT and English Paper 2 on Friday. Wish me luck.

This is it

2010-05-11T19:38:00.002+08:00

This is it. It's the beginning of the end of our high school life. It's.. scary. Knowing that this would be our last chance. In high school, I mean. There is no more countdown. Tomorrow our iGCSE first sitting will commence. Please please please, whoever you may be, pray for us.

This really is scary. But insyaAllah, I'll be fine. It hasn't been a honeymoon for me these past few months, though it may really not seem that way. I'm really worried if I haven't done enough to reach my - or other people's - expectations.

I haven't really known how stressed out I was about the upcoming exams till I started having one of my breakdowns. Yeah, it seems so unlike me to have breakdowns, isn't it? I felt like beating myself up for being such a crybaby. But I just let it all out, and I felt a bit better after that. It took me 5 breakdowns till I felt much like myself again. Haha. Funny.

But I guess it's not all bad. Though that doesn't mean that I can now happily announce that I feel wonderfully weightless and unburdened. The exams haven't even started yet. And then there's the second sitting..

Oh well. I guess I'm not superwoman. I'll have to take it one at a time. Being a worrywart, especially. I don't think I can handle all the pressure at the same time. Knowing myself and my unpredictable breaking point, I won't be able to stop myself from crumbling to pieces.

So let's start with tomorrow first. If any of my friends are reading this, (which I doubt they would) I wish the best of luck to all of you. We can do this thing. I'm sure we can.

This is it.

2010-04-27T11:45:00.002+08:00

No, you don't know what it's like, to not know what to expect. Something's bound to come, destined to happen, but you just don't know what it is. And so you don't know what to prepare yourself for. It's frustrating, because something or someone might just catch you off-guard at any time, and that can either be a good or a bad thing.

Like I said, you don't know what to expect.

Suami

2010-04-23T08:57:00.003+08:00

Do you like to list things down? Random, unimportant things, in that matter? I do. When I get bored and I have a paper and pen with me, I'll always have the urge to either scribble aimless things on the paper or come up with a list. I don't know how I developed that habit, but it just kind of stuck with me until now.

A few days ago, the Secondary 5's had a motivational talk. I don't know how the school found the "motivator", because according to this guy, he doesn't really do motivational talks in schools. But I was - and still am - amazed with him and his achievements. I'll tell you why.

This may seem a bit too materialistic of us, but when all of us Secondary 5's walked into the hall, the objects that immediately caught our attention were, (wait for it) a MacBook on the table in front of him and an iPad in his hands. Yes. I know. How shallow of us to easily be impressed by expensive gadgets. How quick it is to judge a person by his appearance and wealth. But hey, in this time, it's important to impress people in order to get them to listen to you, isn't it? And to impress people, appearance is important. VERY important. Because it shapes other people's impressions of you. And this guy, well, let's just say he got our attention there.

It doesn't stop there though. Our teacher gave a brief introduction of him and we got to know that he was once a lawyer. Which means that he's a good speaker. And that makes him a well-educated person. Now, he's a software developer or something like that.

The first question that came to my mind was : IS HE MARRIED? Hahaha. I know xD Unfortunately my friends didn't wanna ask him that, because they said it was "too personal". Blegh. Oh yeah. He's pious too. Doesn't he sound like the perfect husband? (Corny, duh).

BUT. But then suddenly he said : "My wife is a clinical psychologist..." And all dreams flew out the window. How disappointing. He's married after all.

Sooo. Tim and I came up with a list. "Criteria for A Husband". It's a pretty long list, I tell you. The talker was the main inspiration, as you can tell.

1) Beriman
2) Rich
3) Genius
4) Very hardworking
5) Have a strong willpower
6) Positive-thinking
7) A survivor
8) Amazing
9) Responsible
10) Sensible
11) Incredible
12) Have a good connection
13) A believer in the fact that good things come to those who wait
14) Patient
15) Wise
16) A good friend
17) Loving
18) Supportive
19) Jaw-dropping
20) Cool
21) WOOOWWWWEEE
22) Creative
23) Inspiring
24) Caring
25) Intelligent
26) Futuristic (?)
27) Accepting
28) VERY VERY hardworking
29) Have big dreams
30) Strives hard
31) Honest
32) Understanding
33) Passionate
34) Wants the best.

Now don't tell me that such a person doesn't exist in this world. I've met one. And I'm sure there are lots more out there. Besides, people can always change, right?

New

2010-04-20T12:19:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry for neglecting you, Blog. So much has been going on lately and whenever I feel like updating, I don't know what to write.

We've had trials and got our results. Mine was.. okay. The iGCSE first sitting will start on the 12th of May. Which is about 3 weeks away. And the "nightmare" will be over on the 21st. Just 3 days before my birthday :D Hee. I'm so happy. Usually my birthday falls on an exam day. But well, not anymore :D

And then.. THE HOLIDAYS! Finally. InsyaAllah we'll move in June. I really hope everything goes well. When we've settled in, I'll invite you guys to come over (:

Fam

2010-04-03T16:09:00.003+08:00

I really love my family, do you know that? We stick together no matter what. I'll never forget all the good times we've had together.

Everyone is so awesomely cool and wonderful. I sometimes wonder what I did right to deserve a family so irreplaceably precious and priceless as mine :)

Thank you, God.

2010-03-20T16:55:00.002+08:00

*the sound of a car approaching*

Umi : Walid dah balik. EH! Ada orang Arab dalam kereta! *runs into the room*

Me : Hah? Arab mana pulak ni?

Umi : Arab kat Hadramawt yang Umi cakap handsome tu.

Me : Apasal dia ada kat sini?

Umi : Tak tahu. Fatin masuk bilik masuk bilik cepaaat.

Me : Alaaah. *enters room*

Umi : FATIN JANGAN KELUAR! Nanti orang tu nak kahwin dengan Fatin!

Me : UUUUMIIIII!

It's Time to Cross the Bridge

2010-03-06T16:44:00.003+08:00

I do not know what's up with me. Exams are merely a few weeks away and I know I can't afford to be a lazy arse now. I am doomed. I can't believe this is gonna be my last year in high school. Then, off I go to college :(

It makes me think a lot about my future. And by 'a lot', I really do mean A HECK OF A LOT. I'm so scared. Terrified. Petrified. Worried. Really, reeeaally worried.

I still don't know what I wanna be. What I wanna do. WHY OH WHY? Maybe belum mendapat inspiration lagi. Hmm. This morning daddy mummy and I went to KL Sentral. For KYUEM's Open Day. On the way there, my parents talked about the courses that might suit me. I'm considering psychology. My dad's suggesting accountancy and economics. Medicine is out. I just can't handle disgusting stuff. My mum is okay with anything, as long as I'm happy with it. They started talking about jobs but I paid no attention to the conversation. Didn't contribute much, too. My head was on overdrive. I don't know the future, but somehow I imagined myself studying in KYUEM. It really is a nice place, in the middle of half-nowhere though. But that's not the point. The thing is, if I go there, (InsyaAllah, if the place is good for me, and things go well just the way they should) I'll stay there. I'm not complaining, because (if I go there) I'll be staying in a chalet. Not a dorm. The college is fantastic. But of course, the fees are "fantastic" too. Let's just say, put it in a simpler term, the college is luxurious. Or, in other words.. (ugh, I hate to use this word) it's for.. um, well-financed people. There you go.

I've never been to a boarding school before. I just simply don't want to. I hate to be away from home for a long period of time. I can't stay somewhere which has a sense of "temporariness". Unless, it's, you know, a vacation or something. Or someplace like home. Like my cousins' houses, etc. You know what I mean. I can't cope when I'm in a place that doesn't feel like home. Things put in easier terms, some people say I can't be away from my parents, especially my mum. They say I still wanna live under their armpits. Okay, I think I translated that from a saying in Malay. Did I? Anyways. On the other hand, some quite insensitive people reason my inability to stay at a boarding school with the word "spoilt". Or at least that's what daddy would say. All the time, actually. He says that all the time. And I think, I'm coming to terms with it. I'll tell you why.

I'm very dependent. I don't have any survival skills. I'm always lost. All this time, there's always somebody to do some things for me. See, I have no idea how to cook. But that's not very surprising, since many people my age don't know how to cook. Not that it's a good thing anyway. I don't wash my own clothes. I don't iron my own clothes. I rarely buy lunch, or in fact shoes, clothes, bags, etc for myself. Daddy and mummy do that for me. There are more than a million and one things on my list. But I'm sure you already get the point by now.

So, imagine. Fatin living in a boarding school? With no friends to start with and no mummy to tell me what to do? HAH. Sounds like a joke, doesn't it? I wish it was. I wish 'growing up' was a joke.

I am a spoilt brat. I know that. Somewhere deep inside, I do admit that I am a spoilt, pampered brat that can't get things done by herself. I do. Thing is, I just don't like it to be said by other people. Because it hurts. I don't need my friends to reaffirm the fact that I am nothing but a useless 16-year-old girl. And by useless, I mean chore-wise. Just because I deny it all the time, it doesn't mean I am not aware of this fact. I have been living with myself for almost 17 years now, and I can't act stupid and ignore the obvious. Fine, I get it, okay? I like expensive stuff. I adore classy brands and grand places, people with nice smells who wear branded outfits, fancy diners, million-dollar cars and mansions with fifty rooms. I am a conscious freak. Someone with high maintenance, whatever that means. A spoilt brat.

How am I going to survive in the outside world, then? That's a question I always ask myself, over and over again. Are things going to be fine? I'm still living with my parents now, under the same roof, so I don't have to worry much about food and laundry, about keeping the house clean and making sure that everything is where it's supposed to be. I simply cannot get things done by myself. I don't know how to make most things work. I tend to be selfish sometimes, and I don't give much thought to everything. And I'm very, very worried.

I pretend. At times I make myself think that I'm going to get a well-paid job, marry a rich prince, live in a mansion by the beach and get my nails done everyday. But in truth, I think about what might be. I worry that I lack planning. Let me rephrase that. I worry that I never plan for anything. And I'm about to meet the deadline soon. The time when I have to break free and find my calling. I'm scared that while other people are climbing up the steps to achieving their dream, I'm falling and might hit rockbottom anytime.

I don't know. I just don't know. About what, you ask? I don't know. I simply don't know.

At the Open Day, just now, a woman talked about applying for universities, yada yada yada. Most of the students go to the universities in the UK. They have contacts there, so whenever anyone is flying to England, they'll contact the people they know, and tadaaa! A group of people will be readily waiting for him at the airport and help him out. Something like that. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw mummy wiping something from her left eye. She leaned in front of me and whispered to my dad saying that she's already sad.

Haha. It's funny because I don't even know where I'll go for college yet. But I know what she means. I'm already grown up. I'm leaving home soon. Sheeeesh. Thank God I didn't cry when she said that.

I know I can't ask for much. There's no way that the outside world will be nice to me, no matter how fragile I am. I will have to adapt.

*sigh*

I used to say, "Build a bridge, and GET OVER IT". But it's easier said than done. My bridge is almost ready to cross now. But the question is, am I ready to cross it? Will I?

I'm afraid I don't wanna know the answer.

Rain rain, don't go away

2010-02-24T17:50:00.002+08:00

My blogger is seriously dead. D. E. A. D.

These days I am always so very blur. Not that I'm saying that I was never blur before, but you know what I mean. I'm a tad slooowweerrrr nowadays. I know, sad isn't it. For someone who loves supercars and speed.

I seem to fully absorb information at least 5 seconds after it is told/revealed/shown/given to me. Some people just give up explaining to me, sometimes. I understand why. It's kind of funny, though. Sometimes they tell me a joke and laugh, expecting me to laugh along but then at most times, when I'm at my blankest moments, I'll just look at them and blink and they'll be laughing alone. Sad.

I've been up to so many things all this while. But I'm in no mood to list them all, and I'm sure nobody is in the mood to read all my boring activities. But I'm just gonna mention one.

Most of you probably know already. But it's okay. Last Sunday it rained in the evening, and my parents were out. I wanted to play in the rain but my maid won't let me because we'd have school the next day and if I played outside, my younger siblings would surely join me. A couple of hours later my parents came back home, by which time it started raining more heavily. And then great thing was that, my mum gave us the green light to play in the rain.

First the kids went out, and when I realized it I joined them too. It was super super duper fun! We jumped in the garden, took pictures, twirled around, sang, played football. And when the rain stopped we took the water hose and sprayed water at each other. All of us were soaking wet. And yeah, we had a little trouble keeping the indoors dry after that xD

BUT I SWEAR, I WILL DO IT AGAIN.

Lalala

2010-02-09T12:26:00.002+08:00

I love my friends. So so much. I really do.

But I love Storm more. HAHAHA xD Farah jangan jealous :P

But, nobody can ever ever be above my family :)

I am blessed with awesomely great friends and family; I can never be more thankful.

Fatima wants her name to be mentioned. Haish. So here it is. Just because.

Words

2010-01-31T16:54:00.002+08:00

Yes, yes, I know. I've not been writing for quite a long time. But it's not like anyone cares; so what the heck, huh. For all I know I'm the only one who reads my blog. Hah.

I am not in a good mood. I was, but now I'm not. I feel terrible. Terribly guilty. These days it seems as though the only thing I am good at is making people feel bad. I disappoint them, make them feel like trash. Though, I assure you, that is not my intention. Not at all. I am not lying.

It just happens so. I don't mean to hurt others' feelings; I try so very hard to avoid getting into misunderstandings with a certain someone. But I think, the harder I try, the likelier it is for me to slip up and say something which is not supposed to sound the way it did. Things fly out of my mouth and people tend to misinterpret the subjects that I try to convey.

Maybe the only way out here is to keep quiet. But it's just too hard. I can't shut my mouth. I mean, I don't really have the gift of a gab, but I'm not someone who talks only when they need to, either. I talk. Too much, in fact. It is just the way I am. People know me as (pardon me if I'm wrong) a cheerful, loud and talkative girl. Without one of these three, I am not myself.

Last time, I didn't feel like talking too much in school. I wasn't too quiet, but I wasn't my usual perky self. I just sort of floated along with the others, saying Hi to a few people and smiling at some. It kind of went like that the whole day. And well, to make it a point, people asked me if something was wrong. They said I was quiet, I looked troubled, and some didn't even see me.. So you see my point?

You don't. Never mind. I am just sick of trying to assure people that something is not what I was trying to say. And I feel bad when other people feel bad. Especially when it is because of me. But it's just sort of automatic. It's like, something must be wrong.

I apologize. I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings. You have to understand, I am just human. I have a life too, you know. Right now my life is like a labyrinth. I'm still trying to remember the exact point when I walked into this never-ending maze. The events in my life get tangled with one another. Regardless of how careful I try to be, unexpected things happen when I least expect it. And it's not very easy to fix things either.

But life goes on.

Sometimes, when you least expect it, Love happens.

Freeze

2010-01-23T22:25:00.002+08:00

So far, Secondary 5 is okay.. Just fine. I still can't believe that after taking our first and second sittings this year, we'll be done with school. No more school. No more school.

No more school.

There won't be any more assemblies on Monday and Thursday mornings. No more sitting outside on the blue steel benches with my friends during break. No more of our daily crazy routines and stupidly funny episodes. No more homework. No more school.

No more work until we get our bums into universities/colleges, that is.

And it'll be hard to see my friends every single day; annoy the crap out of them every single hour and try to make their lives miserable every single minute. Of course I can make new friends, but what about the old ones? At one point everyone will be so busy that we might lose contact :(

I hope that won't happen though. When I was a child, I really couldn't wait to graduate and have my own job, just like my dad. It seemed cool to be a grown up. But now I think that it's cooler to be a kid. I'd never thought that leaving school would be so sad. I won't miss the school, that's for sure. Not the rules, not very much the teachers, the homework, History classes, the canteen, etc etc.

But the fun that I have with my friends in school, the times we've spent together getting into trouble and running around when we're guilty of something and the teacher is just around the corridor; giggling at inside jokes; making each other look stupid in front of people; giving the teachers headaches; laughing till our tummies hurt; talking at the same time till nobody is listening to anybody at all.. That is just priceless. Unforgettable.

*Sigh*

Another phase of my life is ending. Another one is about to begin. And I'm not so happy about it. God, please make time stop. Or just, at least, slow it down. Please?

Jan 16th

2010-01-17T17:38:00.002+08:00

Yesterday we had cross country. Yesterday was damn tiring. Yesterday I made a conclusion that no matter how tired I am, I can still accomplish something if I keep my head in the game. Yesterday I learned that I become confused over the simplest of things. Yesterday, I found out that I am a winner.. or at least that's what I think :)

I woke up at 5.45 am. I had to, though I slept at 1.45 am the previous night. Got ready, had breakfast, and then Walid and Umi sent me to Lake Garden for the cross country. I had a stomachache, and honestly, it wasn't because I was nervous.

So anyway, we registered ourselves and I wore the number 1111! Cool, no? :D First I thought of running with Rahimah but I couldn't keep up with her because my steps were small and I didn't have much energy. Plus, as everybody knows, she's fast. But I made a vow to myself not to stop jogging until the end.

I jogged alone, and until one part, I became confused about the route. Mind you, I wasn't the only one. There were a few others. The teachers who were in charge of a checkpoint nearby didn't know where the 5 km runners were supposed to go, so we ran downhill till we reached another checkpoint. But then the teacher there said that it's the route for 3 km runners. So we had to run back. Grr, I was cursing the whole way. It's b*llsh*t, if you ask me. Didn't they brief the teachers before the real thing? All in all I think I did 6 km instead of 5 km.

I don't know what position I came in. Couldn't be bothered yesterday; I was too bummed about getting lost. But I was proud that I jogged (almost) the whole way and I finished the whole thing and that I jogged all by myself. Hehe.

Came home with Rahimah, then Umi fetched me from her house, then we headed to the site to see how the house is going, came back home, showered and prayed, went out again to I.K's new house for her housewarming. After that, reached home at around 6.15 pm. I was too sleepy so I slept until 7.30 pm. I didn't pray 'Asar, Astaghfirullah. Quickly prayed 'Asar and Maghrib and then we went out again for dinner.

We had dinner at Hadramawt in Ampang. Met my aunts and Sulaiman! And his brother. Our relative from Yemen works there, haha. Cool isn't it. After we're done we headed back home and finally, FINALLY I got to sleep. Phew. What a loooong day.

Sharing is Caring!

2010-01-13T19:10:00.003+08:00

Just now, Teacher Selina asked a favor from Musa and Fendi, to send something to the Discipline room. At that time exactly, Rem, Tim and I passed by. They were lazy, as always, and told teacher that we'll send it for her -__-"

Rem had to go into class though, so Tim and I proceeded to the Discipline room where Teacher Fatin and Teacher Nila were. I asked if I could have a look at what Teacher Selina had given them. Turned out to be a box of creamed buns that looked so mouthwatering that it was all I could do to stop myself from grabbing one and running out of there giggling. I think the teachers saw my expression at that moment, so... Tim and I got one huge bun. Heeheee xD

Then we went upstairs. But, being hungry and very greedy, we went to an empty class, sat down on the floor silently so that no one passing by would notice us, and devoured it as fast as we can. Heh. But Tintashah caught us in action so we had to share with her.

The bun is - was - so big that the cream was smeared all over my upper lip. I licked it, but there was still some remnants. I thought it was all gone. So when the bun was all gone, we exited the class and went to ours. I approached Tasneem and Safaa with an innocent face, as though nothing had happened. And of course, they started laughing when they saw the expression on my face and the cream on my lip. They said, "HEY! Whatever happened to SHARING IS CARING, huh?"

Well, my friends. Apparently that idiom went to trash even before I could mentally absorb what it really means xD

Up up and Away

2010-01-11T18:00:00.005+08:00

I've tried to ignore the moans and groans from my pleading tummy, but then I felt like I was about to pass out any time soon (yes, because of hunger) so I quickly grabbed the packet of Famous Amos from the food basket and now I'm munching on delicious cookies! Yay :D

Anyways. I just realized that I haven't mentioned anything about my senior year. Yes, SENIOR YEAR. Of secondary school. I have 10 months in my hand. Suddenly 10 months seem so short a time. Only 10 months of high school fun. 10 months till graduation. Gah. TIME REALLY DOES FLY. Then, well, only God knows what we'll do and where we'll be.

Imagine what our reunion would be like in, say, 15 years' time?

By the way, before I forget to mention, I am the monitor of my class. Seriously -___-" My class teacher and friends voted for me. I'm still waiting for someone to come up to me and shout "Gotcha! Did you really think we'll nominate YOU as class monitor? HAH!" But so far, it hasn't happened. Yet. But, people, it's not too late to change your minds. Please. You guys have no idea what you got yourselves into. Your senior year is at stake!

Okay. I'm getting maybe a little bit overdramatic. But yeah. I keep forgetting. When a teacher comes into the class, all of us will stand up and everything becomes silent. I mean, as silent as an all-girls' class can possibly be, that is, especially when it comes to our batch. After about 10 seconds still no one says anything. Suddenly all heads turn to me. This will be the time when I usually stare back questioningly and, after 2 seconds, go "OOOHHHHH".

Someone has to get some getting used to, okay.

Tired

2010-01-08T19:10:00.003+08:00

I abandoned Blogger for so long already. Tak sanggup nak catch up with other people's blogposts. Too many posts, too long. Too little time. And my eyes can't stand another hour of staring at the screen. Sorry.

Yasmin, you made your blog private? And didn't invite me? :(

10 is the Big Number

2009-12-23T20:29:00.002+08:00

Going to be away from Christmas till next year, January 1st. Heh. 6 days without texting, 6 days without Internet (unless I can get internet connection.. somewhere. Not sure if my dad will let me go to the Cyber Cafe there).

I'm going with my family, my grandpa, my grandpa's nephew and the son, and also my cousin. Of all the cousins that I have, I just have to be stuck with Umar for 6 days. Ugh. That's sooo not a good way to end the year.. Or to start one -___-"

Anyway, see you next year people! I'ma miss you! :(

And, have a very Happy New Year :)

with lots and lots and lots of love, Tin.

p/s : Farah, thanks for the lip balm (:

Future

2009-12-21T17:03:00.002+08:00

I'll have this hanging chair in my room. You'll see. Yes, it's possible that I might swing myself out of my room and off the balcony, but well, I'll be careful.

***

I am seriously, desperately, helplessly BORED. I need to do something. I wanna go out but where can I go now? It's already 5. I am at a dead end. I feel so incredibly.. empty and alone that I feel like crying right now.

I need to keep myself busy before I self-destruct. This is pathetic. I am. But what can I do? UGH. I need to break free. I need to go out. Tomorrow. No, it's not what I want. I need it. The terms 'go out' and 'break free' are somehow so tempting right now. The outside world is calling for me to learn, travel and explore new things. And it's not that I don't want to, it's just that I can't. Like shit. Yes, certainly like shit.

Ma, I wanna buy new shoes and bags. I wanna watch movies that will make me laugh until I feel like I can laugh no more; movies that will touch me to the core of my being so that I can cry my heart out; or movies that will make me really think and give me a new and better perspective towards life. A fresh new start for the upcoming new year.

Ah, that reminds me. A new year. New year's resolution? The first on the list remains the same since I was 10 :

1. GAIN SOME WEIGHT.

2. Play hard.

3. Work even harder.

4. Less time on the computer.

5. Less phone usage.

6. Talk less about crappy stuff.

7. Talk Chemistry more and more, doesn't matter if I sound like a geek. I like that.

8. Collect some cash. 2010 is the year I shop till both my dad and I drop.

9. Make sure your room is clean all the time.

10. Have fun. Be wise. Be happy. Be ME.

Let's see which of the 10 listed above will be accomplished. I can't wait to see what happens. I can't wait to step up and brace another phase of my life. Though, on the other hand, I don't think I am ready yet to face the future. The world. But then, is anybody ever? Were my parents ready to step out of their childhood, their teen years, and into the inevitable, sometimes hellhole-ish adulthoods? I don't think so. But what will be, will be.

I can't wait for the new year. All the fun, laughter, surprises. Heartbreak, disappointment, stress. I know it won't be all-fun and no-shit, but the time has come for me to accept whatever comes my way and face the challenges and troubles head-on. Yes, Tin. Brace yourself. The worst is yet to come. Life may be hell, but you have lovely people alongside you. Don't worry. Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Right? ;)

Something might just turn out right someday.

Sardine

2009-12-20T10:54:00.004+08:00

YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU!

Let's hit the gym! Gahahahaha.

Pardon me. I'm having one of my morning malfunctions right now. I didn't get enough sleep last night, so :D

And since I was the last one to wake up in this house (Ahem, I woke up at 9 okay, lest my dad will pour water on me), saya telah dipaksa untuk membuat sardin sendiri for my breakfast. No point, actually. The others have eaten and I could just easily sumbat myself with a couple of Twiggies and a bowl of cereal and voila!

But noooooo, Mum just had to make me go to the kitchen and potong bawang in the morning just to eat it all by myself! Hmph. Sendiri masak, sendiri makan. Baik tak payah.

2009-12-19T13:50:00.001+08:00

Have you ever wondered what's ever going to happen in the future? If you're going to further your studies in England, land a job that pays well, marry the man of your dreams and drive a Benz - IF EVER?

Bet you have.

Something just got me thinking.. I dunno. How many kids will I have? HAHA. I know, it's really quite early to think about those things, but well, it will happen eventually, right? I went to my aunt's house just now. My cousin, who was 3, I think, wanted something that he couldn't get. He threw a tantrum, shouting and crying, rolling on the floor, legs kicking in the air like mad, his face all red.

The first thing I said to my mom when I saw that was: "I hope my children won't be like that."

AMEN.

A Lil' Something

2009-12-19T13:18:00.001+08:00

I’m loud.

I’m obnoxious.

I’m sarcastic.

I’m cocky.

I cry easily.
I have a bad temper.

For the most part, I don’t like people.

I like to fight.

I have more enemies than friends.

I’ve smoked.

I’ve smoked weed.

I drink coffee.

I clean my room daily.

My Appearance

I’m shorter than 5’5.

I wear makeup.

I wear a piece of jewelry at all times.

I wear contacts.

I wear glasses.

I’ve had braces.

I have braces.

I change my hair color often.

I straighten my hair often.

My ears are pierced.

I have small feet.

Relationships

I’m in a relationship now.

I’m single.

I’m crushin’.

I’ve missed an ex before.

I’m always scared of being hurt.

An ex has physically abused me at least once.

I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.

I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
I’ve been in love more than two times.
I believe in love at first sight.

I believe lust is more important than love.

Friendships

I have a best friend.
I have at least ten friends.
I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend.

I’ve beaten up a friend.

I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend.

I can trust at least five people with my life.

Experiences

I’ve been on a plane.
I’ve been on a train.
Someone close to me has died.
I’ve taken a taxi.

I’ve gone bungee jumping.

I’ve been in some sort of club.

I’ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight.

I’ve been in a physical fight.

Music

I listen to country.
I listen to pop.

I listen to techno.

I listen to rock.

I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it.

I hate the radio.

I download music.
I buy CD’s.

Television

I spend at least six hours a day watching television.

I watch soap operas daily.

I’m in love with Days Of Our Lives.

I’ve seen and like The OC.

I’ve seen and like One Tree Hill.
I’ve seen and like America’s Next Top Model.

I’ve seen and like Popular.

I’ve seen and like House.

I’ve seen and like 24.

I’ve seen and like CSI.

I’ve seen and like Everwood.

Family Life

I get along with both of my parents.
My biological parents are still together.
I have at least one brother.
I have at least one sister.

I have at least one step brother/sister.

I have at least one half brother/sister.

I’ve been kicked out of the house.

I’ve ran away from my home.

I’ve lied to my parents.
I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.
I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing.

I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out.

I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded.

Hair

I’ve cut my hair in the past year.
I’ve dyed my hair in the past year.

I’ve been blonde.

I’ve had black.

I’ve been red.

I’ve been light brown.

I’ve been medium brown.

I’ve been brown.

I’ve had streaks.

I’ve had purple/pink.

I’ve been blue/green.

I’ve gotten my hair thinned.
I use conditioner.

I’ve used hot oil treatments.

I’ve curled my hair.

I’ve straightened my hair.

I’ve ironed my hair.

I’ve braided my hair.

I’ve had\wanted dreadlocks.

School

I’ve thrown something at a teacher.

I’ve yelled at a teacher.

I’ve been suspended.

I’ve had an in-school suspension.

I’ve been sent to the principal’s office.

I’ve walked out of class.
I’ve skipped an entire day of school.

I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class.

I’ve failed a test.
I’ve cheated on a test.
I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test.

I’ve failed Art.

I’ve failed P.E.

I’ve failed Math.
I’ve failed Science.

I’ve failed another class.

A teacher has called my parents.

I’ve been caught skipping.

I’ve been on the honor roll.

I’ve been on effort honor roll.

Mr. Cool

2009-12-16T23:15:00.003+08:00

The t-shirt that I'm wearing says :

"MY BOYFRIEND THINKS HE'S MR. COOL"

After my dad read that he went, "Eh! You have a boyfriend already?!"

I said, "No lah Walid. Imaginary ones can ah."

Then Mum piped up; "You can have lots and lots and lots of that!"

Teddy

2009-12-15T13:43:00.002+08:00

Nice to see, nice to hold..

Very nice and cuddly indeed :D

This, people, is the RM800 giant teddy bear.

2009-12-14T14:05:00.002+08:00

The Meridian line is back. I just spent half a day in PD with my cousins on Thursday, and yet there's a noticeable line on my face. I'm darker! Shite. Oh, to hell with it. We sure had fun on the banana boat. Got all wet too, though the plan was for us girls to keep dry because we were too lazy to change.

Over dinner that night, my aunts and uncle told us (me, Syira, Paah, Awad, Thahir and Khaliq) to plan a Family Day for, well, our family. I remember the last family day that we had, years ago, when Naqib was only a year old. It was in Port Dickson, and let me tell you, since then, our family's size had more than doubled. It would be quite a problem to find a place for the event, with everybody put into consideration. Any suggestions, though?

I'm sure we'll figure out something soon. I hope that whatever we plan, it'll be within the budget xD And as for the fun and games, there's no need to worry. We're spontaneous, and trust me, "FUN" won't even be close to describing the Family Day. It's guaranteed; our family's cool like that :)

Najwa, come back fast! We need you in this project!

JP

2009-12-14T00:42:00.003+08:00

NST Junior Photographers. 7th and 8th of December, NST Bangsar.

First day : total silence. Well, almost. There was a talk on how to use the camera, etc. Some photos were shown. I bet some people were sleeping.

Second day :

The plan was to be at the venue by 9.15 am, and all of us will go to Lake Garden from there by bus at approximately 9.20 am. We were all in the hall while the facilitators called the participants by group to get on the bus. My group was the last one. The story began when, one of the guys came into the hall and said "All out" and my group thought that he was calling only the other group. So we remained in our seats and waited for our turn. And waited. And waited...

And waited.

Until somebody went and checked what was going on and found that the buses weren't outside anymore. We were abandoned. About half an hour later, a van came to the rescue to fetch 15 of us that were left behind. Joe, who was in charge of our group, didn't even realize that we weren't in the bus. Ngek.

At Lake Garden we took photos until the sun was directly above us. Then we headed back to NST, where we were supposed to transfer one or two pictures that we took to the teacher's (Adam Tan) laptop. The people in my group were, shall I say, lazy, so we went to the room next door and played and jumped and climbed on chairs and ran around and pushed each other on the wheeled chairs and talked and laughed and of course, took pictures. We were noisy, I could tell, but most of the others were out and about anyway, so I don't think people really noticed.

After lunch almost everybody, not just my group members, played in the other room. It was a total chaos, I tell you. It was fun, but I can't quite describe here what really amused us at that time. And then a person in charge came barging into the room and told us off. Party over, people. After that Adam went through the pictures that the participants took and told us what was or wasn't right about them. Then it was time to go back. Everybody had bonded really well since that morning, so we were quite sad to leave. The program was only for 2 days and we've wasted the first day just sitting and not talking to each other, as though the people around us had a disease or something. But come to think of it, if there was any third day, the situation would be beyond control. If the second day was extremely noisy, chaotic and undoubtedly of high sugar level, I can't find a word to describe what the third day would have been like.

Fri, Sat, Sun

2009-12-10T00:03:00.003+08:00

So you're probably wondering what I have been up to for the past week.

On Thursday and Friday I went to extra classes. Nothing to highlight.

On Saturday my cousins came. Me, Paah, Syira, my parents, 3 aunts and also my grandmother who came all the way from Johor, went to the site after lunch and met Daddy there; after which us women headed to Hajaba to find some scarves for my grandma while Daddy stayed behind at the site. Then we went to Jusco Wangsa Maju. My grandma and her 4 sidekicks (Umi and my 3 aunts) went to find shoes, whereas Syira, Paah and I went straight to Secret Recipe to quieten our grumbling tummies. We were damn hungry, so we ordered a slice of each Chocolate Indulgence, White Macadamia and American Cheese Cake plus a spaghetti Bolognese, 2 ice blended chocolate and an iced lemon tea. Then we walked to a gift shop and as soon as we stepped in, I saw a huuuuge teddy bear placed up on the shelf which was way at the back of the shop. Giggling, I made my way towards the back and, standing on my tiptoes, tugged gently on the hand of the bear. It fell down on top of me and I lost my balance for a while, what with a massively huge AND very heavy bear in my hands. Or, more precisely, on my head. It was cartoonish, and us 3 were laughing without a care in the world. The teddy bear was, of course, a lot bigger than me. It costed around - surprise surprise - RM800. I think. Anyway, we took turns taking pictures, and I'll upload one of mine soon. When it was Paah's turn to take pictures with the bear, she knocked down almost everything on the shelves around her. Thankfully they were plushies, so nothing broke - if something broke we'd have to pay for it, and trust me, after that, we'll be the ones who are broke. Okay now I've lost the meaning of the word 'broke'. Anyway, instead of picking up the stuff that fell down, Syira and I just couldn't help ourselves. We almost doubled over from laughing too much; we didn't even think of the customers in the shop who were probably looking at us with puzzled looks on their faces by then. And, trying to put the giant teddy bear back to its original place was another story altogether - Paah and I both stood on our tiptoes, trying to push the bear up on the shelf, but it was still out of reach. So we froze like that for a while, thinking what we should do next.. Until the shop assistant came with a ladder and got down to it. We apologized and ran off before we were blacklisted to ever come into the shop again. And continued walking around the place searching for other stores selling teddy bears. I swear the spaghetti and cakes and ice blended chocolate were really getting to our heads that time. That night Paah and I went cycling. Yes, at night. It was 10 pm, and Paah took turns with some of my cousins, until we eventually decided to stop at 11.

The next day, my aunts decided to go to their usual favorite place every time they come to KL. No, for some reason, it's not KLCC or Pavilion. It's Masjid India. Oh hell, I thought, wasn't there any other place they could visit? Petaling Street, for instance? But my cousins were going, so I tagged along, refusing to stay home with only the small kids. We took 2 different cars, with my aunts plus my cousin, Warda, in one car, and me, Ghaliyah, Paah and Syira, of course, in another. We parked the car in a building, which, at its front entrance, were two clowns, whom I think were paid to scare people off. Yes, I'm sure this is the story you've been waiting for. So after buying some stuff and having lunch in a warong, we headed back to the building to, well, get the car. At the entrance, I saw the yellow-yarn-haired clown sitting on the steps and gasped. I grabbed Paah's hand and started to walk quickly inside the building when the stupid clown saw all our panicky faces and got up. We were almost running in there, when the clown called his red-yarn-haired friend who appeared at the other door beside us. We continued walking, quickening our pace, and when I thought we were away from them ugly clowns, I turned around. The yellow-yarn-haired clown was still at the door, (I think they weren't allowed to enter the building, thank goodness) and he gestured for us to come outside. I made a face, mouthed "NO" and stormed off. After that we went to KLCC for a while and made a short stop at Jusco Setiawangsa. Syira bought Big Apple, I bought a footlong Italian BMT from Subway (finally!), Ghaliyah got her stuff from Watson, and then all of us helped ourselves to Baskin Robins ice creams. Yummy :D

And we lived happily ever after (:

p/s : Post on NST Junior Photographers will be up soon!

Special Wish

2009-12-04T19:05:00.002+08:00

Happy happy happy happy happy happy happy

BIRTHDAY MUMMY!

Sarcasm

2009-12-02T23:12:00.002+08:00

I am restless. The house is almost done. They'll start doing the tiles and floorings and stuff next week. I really can't wait. I've been telling everybody that I can't wait till the house is done and I won't stop saying it until the house is really done. But wait. What color should I pick for the walls of my bedroom?

I can just imagine me sitting on the rooftop of the house, reading a book while munching on some junk food. Najwa using the computer in the study room. Naqib watching TV in the family area before he goes downstairs to find someone to annoy. Ammar and Hanan splashing in the wading pool. Walid smoking in the patio downstairs. Umi reading a magazine in the rumpus while monitoring the two kids. Ah, isn't it just beautiful? :)

I bought 2 blouses today. Both very weird and unique and I have never seen anything like either of them before. I call one of them the flying squirrel blouse, because I look like a flying squirrel when I wear it. But it's nice.. to me. Umi said people might say that I look like I'm wearing a "guni" (sack).

Then I tried on the other blouse which was black and has short, puffy sleeves. It's kind of cute. I was wearing a black basic, black scarf and black jeans. And the black blouse. So I looked like a crow. I imagined myself (I always imagine a lot of things now, my mind is always running around) walking around KLCC with some of my cousins or friends when we walk past a group of girls who think they are "all that" (not referring to anyone in particular, mind you. It's just my imagination). Then someone pipes up, "Eh, tengok budak tu. Serba hitam, macam gagak." I turn around, give her a 'look' and make a smart and witty remark about her outfit, which is not very wise to mention here since I don't know who might be reading my blog right about now. Heh. Her jaw drops, and I walk away with a smirk on my face. Anyway. It's just my imagination. Crappy, I know.

We had lunch at the Chicken Rice Shop just now. Ammar spelled out "The Chicken Rice Shop" after he finished eating, and my mom asked him;

Ammar pandai macam siapa? *raises hand*

*points to my nose and mouths "FATIN"*

Macaaaam Umi! Fatin taaaaaak.

Eh, at least kakak boleh spell "chicken".

Fatin memang ayam pun!

-___-"

Umi

Ammar the Hantu Ayam

Me the Ayam

Ha, ha. He's really sarcastic nowadays. Always the smart alec.

I've got extra class tomorrow. Yippeeeeeeeeee(I'm just being sarcastic)eeeeeeee.

Yay

2009-12-02T00:34:00.002+08:00

HEAR ME, HEAR ME!

Remember the time when I said my camera charger was gone and I have been searching the whole entire house for it and Najwa found it in her luggage all the way in Yemen? Well, that was a false alarm. Turned out that the cam charger she found was HER camera charger, not the EOS charger. She didn't even know how her camera charger looked like. And it isn't even a Canon, it's an Olympus. Different types. Now you know why I'm the 'gadget girl' in this family, huh.

So I tried looking for it again, before Raya Haji (I've got a story for this, too. But maybe later) but I still couldn't find it. I checked the stores and sneezed all the way in the process. Too much dust. I could hear Ammar laughing at me from downstairs. Then I got tired and gave up eventually. I was just wasting my time. On Eid Adha I was a tad miserable because I didn't have my baby with me. I just took pictures with my phone, and they were ugly. Ugh.

But today, when I was looking for something in my dad's side-table drawer which was too full of stuff I didn't know how they even fit in there, I came across a small thing with "Canon" written on it. I quickly ran downstairs to my maid who was cooking in the kitchen and screamed "KAK JAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"Eh, budak ni! Apa lagi?" she sounded irritated but I was too excited to notice at that time. Plus I was used to it already. I held up the charger in her face and grinnned. "Fatin dah jumpa!"

When my dad came back I (ew, I heard a Cicak. Continue reading) told him that I found the charger. He wasn't that enthusiastic about the news. He could at least be happy that I saved him RM300 for a new charger. Looks like I'm the only one in this house who really cares about the camera. And that's the reason why that camera should be mine. Heh.

Waliiiiiid, Fatin dah jumpa charger camera!

Jumpa kat mana?

Dekat drawer dalam bilik Walid tu lah!

Tu lah, hari tu tak cari betul betul.

Walid tau tak drawer Walid tu macam mana?

Drawer kat sebelah katil tu?

Yes! Fatin rasa segala benda yang hilang dalam rumah ni ada kat situ.

I watched Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs just now. Seeing the spaghetti and burgers and ice cream fall from the sky made my stomach grumble. Like what Sam said, my tummy buat orchestra. I sooo wanna live there!

Tin Lautner says: (11:32:47 PM)

haha why you senyap lah?

sebab i tadi main sorority life kejap

HAHAHAHA

sorry

Tin Lautner says: (11:33:13 PM)

ohhh hahaha takpe takpe

Tin Lautner says: (11:33:17 PM)

im a busy woman anyway

Tin Lautner says: (11:33:18 PM)

HAHAHA

reaalllly now?

HAHA

Tin Lautner says: (11:34:27 PM)

yes

Tin Lautner says: (11:34:30 PM)

asal tak pecaya?

taaaak

you sibuk makan chocolate ke?

hahaa

Tin Lautner says: (11:35:46 PM)

speaking of chocolate

Tin Lautner says: (11:35:55 PM)

tadi i tgk cloudy with a chance of meatballs

Tin Lautner says: (11:35:58 PM)

i wanna live theree!

hahaha

ohohoho

nanti sambal belacan or teh tarik jatuh from the sky

habis you

Tin Lautner says: (11:38:53 PM)

hahahaha

or porl

*pork

kalau jatuh atas rumah

habislaaaah

nak samak satu rumah?

berapa banyak air nak guna?

HAHAHA

Tin Lautner says: (11:40:01 PM)

jangan lah order pork

Tin Lautner says: (11:40:02 PM)

haish you ni

Tin Lautner says: (11:40:11 PM)

i can scream

Tin Lautner says: (11:40:13 PM)

BAAABIIIIII!

Tin Lautner says: (11:40:20 PM)

*points to someone

Tin Lautner says: (11:40:23 PM)

hahahahahaahahahaha

lepas tu

jatuh sekor

CAMNE?

HAHAH

Tin Lautner says: (11:46:57 PM)

AAAAAHHHH! H1N1!!!!!

HEHEHEHE

Farah, tukar lah your name tu. Panjang sangat!

Eh, will write more later. I wanna follow Umi to Great Eastern Mall tomorrow, maybe play - eh, babysit my sister at the Kiz Sports and Gym for a while, then follow Umi to the site for some kitchen stuff at the house. So I have to wake up early.

Kemudian pulang ke rumah dan melalui rutin harian saya yang amat bosan, iaitu tengok TV, online, makan, makan dan makan lagi. Walaupun berat saya masih 36 kg, saya masih berusaha keras untuk menggemukkan badan saya. Itu satu-satunya perkara di mana saya tidak akan berputus asa. Makan untuk mengenyangkan perut bukanlah sebab utama saya makan terlalu banyak. Okay, mungkin itu ialah satu penipuan yang besar. Orang selalu mengatakan bahawa saya hidup untuk makan. Itu tidak benar sama sekali. Baiklah, saya boleh mendengar bunyi cicak sekarang ini, maka saya akan naik atas sekarang sebelum cicak itu datang menyerang saya. Selamat malam.

Why do I see you laughing? What's so funny about me speaking Malay hah? Hmph. Goodnight.

Ma

2009-11-30T23:24:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry. For abandoning this blog. I don't know if I really should apologize; people might not actually read or care about my blog posts, except for a few of my friends. And maybe my mom and my aunt(s).

I know, right? My mom reads my blog! But it's okay. I share almost everything with her now; apparently I just can't shut my mouth every time something happens to me, no matter how small or unimportant or uninteresting. And the best part is, she listens to me.. or maybe she just pretends to listen sometimes. So she wouldn't come to me demanding to know who I talk about on my blog.

I've come to realize that she's my bestest best friend, ever. She knows my secrets. We laugh together on good days. We annoy each other like sisters. I bite her when she irritates me. I poke her when I have nothing to do at home. I whine and beg her to take me out because I can't find anything in the fridge and there's nobody online. I kiss and hug her goodnight. I'm sure not many of you people do that anymore. Right? :)

I love you mommy :D

I'll tell you other stories later. It took me more than an hour just to write this post. I think I have the writer's block. Whatever that means.

I miss my baby :(

Amazing

2009-11-24T00:43:00.005+08:00

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring; all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

Yes, it was just a smile. Yes, it could've meant nothing. But not to me, no. It was beautiful and it made my day. It made my tummy go flip flop flip flop. It made me walk with a bounce in my steps for the whole day after that. It made me smile to myself just thinking about it. It made me happy to the core of my being. It made me sad, because I don't get to see that smile everyday. It made me jealous, knowing that you might share that smile with others as well. I don't care if I sound corny or mushy, this is the only way I can express whatever I'm feeling right now. This is my blog, and thus my words. You don't judge, okay? :)

Mummy, if you're reading this, I know you know who I'm talking about. But like you said, you've been a teenager once, surely you know what I'm going through. You should feel honoured that you're in on the secret now (Haha).

I am happy, yes I am. I am in my own little world, the world that belongs to me alone, and I wish to lock myself inside and block out everything else if I had the choice to. If I can be this happy all the time - no worries, no doubts, nobody to burst my cute little bubble.

But it hurts to know that things don't always turn out the way you want it to. This is reality. You need to wake up, brush your teeth, wash your face, and make all those dreams come true. Or just simply move on.

Right?

Tiramisu ahoy!

2009-11-18T23:29:00.002+08:00

I made tiramisu just now. Mom showed me how to do it, and I made another one by myself :) After this, I'd just need Philadelphia cream cheese, Emborg whipping cream, a chocolate bar and some 'magic' biscuits (I forgot the name) and poof! Tiramisu all ready. Oh, and coffee and milk too. YAY.

I was tired and wanted to sleep actually (and yet I'm still awake when it's already 12 now), but Mom said that if I want to bring tiramisu to school tomorrow I'd have to make it myself. So, dressed in my pyjamas, my hair tied up in a loose bun, I braced myself for the first step : batter the cheese. I thought it was easy... but I ended up sitting crossed-legged on the floor, the blue bowl secured by my legs, and started battering, only what I seemed to be doing was make the cheese go round and round in the bowl. I was well aware of my tongue sticking out; it's kind of an automatic response when I'm trying to concentrate. Hanan said that I looked like a child, which made Ammar burst out laughing, which distracted me because I can never keep a straight face once Ammar starts laughing.

But I got it, eventually, and we continued with the rest of the procedures while singing along to some of Zee Avi's tunes. The tiramisu is in the fridge right now, tucked away safely from.. me. And I'm tired. Oh my Gucci, am I tired. I'll go now. Goodbye xo.

Perks

2009-11-16T01:35:00.003+08:00

Never again shall I wish that I was an only child. It's only the second day that my sister and brother have been away and yet, I'm bored sick at home, not knowing what to do other than eat, go online, text, read and sleep. And sometimes, I bang the piano. It sounds like I have many things to do, but trust me, these things become tedious after a while. The house seems quieter despite Ammar's continuous babblings and Hanan's successful attempts at making Ammar scream. I found myself about to ask, "Where's Naqib? Is he not going to school?" on Friday morning, when I was in that half-asleep, half-awake stupor. And, apparently still in the stupor, still in the in-betweens of dream world and reality, I accidentally wore my left black shoe with Najwa's right shoe to school. No wonder the right shoe felt tighter than usual. Uglier, too :)

Now, I float around the house at the times when I'll usually annoy the crap out of Najwa, or run around the house chasing Naqib after he screams in my ear or does some annoying Michael Jackson moves. Talk about routine. After a few minutes of roaming around the house and grabbing something to eat, I go upstairs and lock myself in my room and - yes, you've guessed it - I read.

This morning I followed my parents, aunt and uncle to see the new house. Ammar tagged along as well. While the adults discussed about things I didn't understand, I, of course, had look after Ammar, just in case he decided to hop into the disgusting water in the pool or jump from the balcony upstairs. He ventured around the house, and I told him not to go to the front porch (there were nails and stuff), but he went anyway, so I scolded him. After that he gave me the 'glare', crossed his arms over his chest, put on an expression that said "harumph" and stormed off to the front porch. I was too irritated to follow him anymore, so I just let him be.

But then I remembered that the only friends I have at home were him and Hanan; and if Ammar was giving me the silent treatment, my life for the next 2 months would just be even more miserable. So I went up to the "little Big boss" and apologized. He ignored me for a while and only looked at me from the corner of his eye. It was cute the way he did it, the way a 4-year-old knew how to make someone feel guilty. I suppressed my laughter and waited, until he finally gave in and hugged me. Aww. And then he started talking again. Ah. Maybe I should've considered the silent treatment.

But being the only teenager, shall I say, in this house, also has it perks : I can choose whatever colour of IKEA cup I want to use (yes, we sometimes fight over this matter), decide on what I wanna watch on TV without having to wrestle anyone for the remote, I can use the computer without hearing "I wanna use it, so hurry up!", and the best thing of all.. I got to lick 2 bowls of the tiramisu mix ALL BY MYSELF. Yes, everyone probably knows that I'm all about tiramisu now. My mum just learned how to make it, and it's oh-so delicious. And obviously, I developed an obsession for it after tasting its creamy, spongy texture, with a little but just enough taste of cheese and yoghurt, topped with chocolate flakes.

A few weeks ago, mum made tiramisu for Najwa and her friends. When she was done, she called me to lick the bowl; I never even bothered to know how to make it, the part that mattered the most to me was this, so I ran downstairs, took the big red bowl and hugged it tight, sat on the stairs and started to licked the tiramisu paste off my fingers. I looked like I hadn't seen food for ages; it's a sad sight, but I licked away anyway, and let me tell you, it's finger lickin' good :D And then, Naqib came up to me and took a huge dollop of paste off the bowl. See, I believe in the term "sharing is caring", I really do. You might find me using the statement over and over again, actually. But when it comes to tiramisu, no kidding, that saying goes to trash. So I, Greedy Fatin, ran back upstairs, still clinging tightly to the red bowl as though my life depended on it, and locked myself in my room.. And continued to lick the paste peacefully, all by myself.

Though there were some things I wish I'd get all to myself, though my dad would probably spoil me rotten if I was his only daughter, and though I've wanted my own space for a very long time now.. Never again shall I wish that I was an only child.

Besides, siblings are gifts from God. They are meant to annoy you and spit out whatever is on their minds without having to think twice; born to smack you when they feel like it (because they know that by the end of the day, you'll still be siblings), so that you grow up to be strong and experienced, and so that you become a survivor.

Baby Blues

2009-11-15T12:04:00.000+08:00

The sky is BLUE.

And so are my teeth (:

Sensitive Moment

2009-11-13T17:47:00.002+08:00

Let me start with some of the events yesterday.

The moment I woke up, I immediately took my bath and began searching for the camera charger, skipping breakfast. Somebody had misplaced it and since I was in charge for all the cameras, camera chargers, phone chargers, laptop chargers, Blackberry chargers, USB cables, etc etc, I was responsible to look for it - or so Walid says. (Najwa just called from Yemen this evening. They're all safe and sound, Alhamdulillah. I hope they're gonna be okay there. And, she said that the Canon charger was in her luggage.. all the way in Yemen. GREAT. I searched for it everywhere yesterday, and it was in the damn luggage all along.)

So after that Umi and Walid checked Najwa's and Naqib's luggage to see if they had all the necessary stuff. And also to get rid of the unnecessary ones. This part was the toughest. Because I had to do all the running up and down the stairs. It was a heck of an exercise, I tell you. Probably worth an hour of jogging session.

At 3 we went to the airport and arrived at around 4. Naqib whispered to me and said that his friend, who was his only friend accompanying him to Yemen, had to cancel his trip due to some problems I didn't really understand. He looked very scared and timid. Very... young. I assured him (and myself) that things will be okay, that he'll be fine and have loads of fun there. Though, to be honest, even I wasn't really convinced by my own coaxes. But I didn't tell him that.

We ate, and walked, and talked, and went to the toilet, and walked, and ate some more, all but pretending that their being away from home for 10 weeks - and not with the family - was as usual as breathing.. And then the time for separation came. I hugged Najwa first, which made me cry, which was kind of funny. Just a few days ago I told her that I couldn't wait for her to fly off to Yemen. She'd said that the feeling was mutual, that at last she'd be away from her torturous and bossy sister.

I went to hug Naqib, but he pushed me away. "Fatin, jangan jangan. Tak boleh. Nanti Naqib nangis. Jangan peluk." His eyes were already watery and red, which made me cry even more! That's why I had packed along 2 packets of Kleenex in my handbag (though I only used one) and wore waterproof mascara earlier. I knew I wouldn't cry much when I hugged Najwa; she's not really the crying type and I trust her to be well when she's away. But seeing Naqib going away was kind of sad. Seeing him hug my mom and cry tore my heart apart. Seeing him braving himself to fly all the way to Yemen with no friends to start with got me all worried. And if a sister felt that way, imagine what my mom felt. What she still feels. How her mind is always not present in Malaysia. Damn. One moment please..

Okay, I'm done. Yeah. But then I saw a little boy walking with Naqib, and he held Naqib by the shoulder.. and that eased my tension a tad. All will be well. Yes, all will be well.

2009-11-12T12:08:00.003+08:00

My tears are in check now, just waiting for the time to fall. 7 hours more, and my sister and brother will be off to Yemen.. Oh damn. They're welling up already. Wrong timing, tears. Not now please. Not now.

I'm seriously gonna miss them. Really. Who can I annoy for the whole of 10 weeks they're gonna be away? :|

4

2009-11-11T15:39:00.002+08:00

I bought 4 novels just now. Just for me. For me only. Usually, I'm not allowed to buy more than 2 books at one go. But it's been eons since I last went to a bookstore, and besides, exams are over now. I got:

The Book of Tomorrow by Cecelia Ahern;

Before I Forget by Melissa Hill;

Little Bird by Camilla Way; and

Unclaimed Heart by Kim Wilkins.

That ought to be enough to keep me occupied during the holidays. Not to forget, I have Chemistry homework too. Shite. I'll sure have loads of fun.

The Waiting Game

2009-11-10T23:48:00.003+08:00

Can't. Breathe.

Walid. Smoking. Indoors again.

Don't. Worry. I charged him RM1 already.

I am alone now. All alone downstairs. Everybody's asleep and I'm waiting for this damn iPod to finish downloading some software update. It's exactly.. 12.05 am. Not many people are online, and I can't bother to text people to check who of my friends are still awake. I hate to be the only one in this house who knows how to fumble with gadgets and all those stuff. I hate to be the only one who's busybody enough to explore the function of almost every button on a camera. I hate to be the first person (in this house) who knows how something works. Because at the end of the day, when my dad buys something new, it's me he'll call to read the manual. "Take this, and later, teach me how to use it," he'll say. Gah.

It's so sad that I'm the "gadget girl" in this family. I'm not even good in this stuff. Compared to my friends, I'm utterly useless when it comes to technology. Maybe I was born to live in the olden days..

But then again, maybe not.

It's a good thing that I took a nap in the evening just now. Never knew that I'd be stuck in front of the computer this late. It's waaay past my bedtime already :( Okay, so maybe that was a lie, but it's late! And I don't even have anyone to talk to. But never mind, I'm not going to school tomorrow, anyway. Dunno if I should follow my mom to Great Eastern or just stay at home and lie upside down on the couch while watching Oprah or something of that sort. Though I'll probably end up checking my facebook every 5 minutes. Hmm. Choices, choices.

Okay now, the downloading is done, and I'm off to bed! Uh, okay fine, that was a lie too. Maybe I'll read for a minute or two.. or three. Oh well, you get the idea. Toodles!

p/s : I'm not good at playing waiting games; but for you, I'll give it a shot. It's worth the wait. You are.

Smokin'

2009-11-09T18:38:00.003+08:00

Living with a smoker, no matter for how long, doesn't make it any easier for me to be around one. Living with a smoker doesn't help me get used to the smell of smoke. It doesn't make me like it, and just because my dad smokes, it doesn't mean that I can tolerate this crude behavior.

I especially hate it when someone smokes indoors, or in an enclosed or crowded area. Hello, people. Ever heard of courtesy? Didn't your mom teach you that back when you were a kid? Other people need oxygen too, and nobody wants to inhale the chemical that you exhale in our faces.

[Note : Walid, being my dad doesn't exclude you from this]

Maybe it's become a big deal to me because I haven't smelt tobacco/nicotine/tar/etc for quite a while now.. or maybe just less frequent, since my dad got his electronic cigarette a few months back. Now, I don't know what has happened to it; my dad's back to smoking the normal cigarettes. Which stink BAD. Every morning, just before my mom sends us to school and my dad heads off to work, I'll always say: "WALID! What happened to your electronic cigarette? Where is it? Why you smoking that one? Busuk lah!"

Last night, when I was watching football with Naqib and Walid, Walid smoked 3 cigarettes. Indoors - without opening any windows. And he was sitting right beside me. I thought to myself, if he was ever planning to torture me for all my sarcastic remarks about his tummy and his weight, this must be it. Oh no, dear God, no.

If it's not for the fact that he's my dad, that he provides food for the family, for me, that he works very hard to keep us alive, that he loves us and that I love him, and that I respect him very much, I'd have taken a cushion and smacked him there and then. But I couldn't. So I told him, "Okay Walid. From now on, if you wanna smoke indoors, you must pay me. One cigarette costs RM1. Deal?" He said, "Okay, no problem." Hah. That's new. And I replied, "Wow! I can make a fortune out of this!" Haha.

Money is different though. It can't buy you your health back. And I inhale the smoke every single day! That makes me a secondhand smoker, doesn't it? Great. E-cigarette oh e-cigarette, where art thou?

BR

2009-11-09T18:08:00.003+08:00

Looks like it's teasing you, doesn't it? Oh well, I already got my Dulce de Leche yesterday. Hah :D

Bummer.

2009-11-08T17:34:00.003+08:00

"Why do I keep running from the truth; all I ever think about is you.

You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized,

And I just got to know

Do you ever think, when you're all alone, all that we could be, where this thing could go?

Am I crazy or falling in love?

Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch your breath when I look at you?

Are you holding back, like the way I do?

Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away.

But I know this crush ain't going away."

"Until the day the ocean doesn't touch the sand.. Now and forever, I will be your 'man'."

"But it's time to face the truth:

I will never be with you."

Janda Baik

2009-11-07T20:19:00.003+08:00

Today I went to Janda Baik. (No, I didn't take the picture above) Walid's friend did a gathering thing at his house there. After a very very long time, I finally got to go out with my family and also be close to nature. It rained a bit, but that didn't stop Naqib, Hanan and Ammar from jumping into the river. I just dipped my legs into the water and screamed occasionally, especially when Naqib the Samdol pulled my leg several times. He was obviously scared and trying to keep himself afloat, as the current was very strong. I liked it there. The air was fresh and it was peaceful, the total opposite of the hectic city.

Anyway, I'm definitely not going anywhere during the end-of-year holidays, so don't ask. My parents will be busy with preparations for the house, and Naqib and Najwa will be going to Yemen. But maybe Walid's gonna send me to photography class. His friend has a studio somewhere, and he's gonna ask if there's going to be any holiday programs. I really can't wait :) It's not confirmed yet, though.

Okay, that's all I guess. I'm not really in the mood right now. Something came up. No big deal, really. But I just feel like moping. Goodbye.

Lemonade

2009-11-06T16:53:00.003+08:00

I am now updating my blog. Obviously.

School sucks. And it sucks more because I still have some papers to sit for since I was absent for a whole week during the exams, and the school is more than half empty now, and my Rubik's cube was confiscated and I can only get it on the last day of school. Shit. That's really helpful.

I've only got my Math papers left, and then.. I'M FREE! I will NOT come to school again after Tuesday. They're having activities, and just by the sound of it, it makes me wanna puke. School activities are always boring; as if sitting in school doing nothing isn't torture enough. They make it even worse, if you ask me. I'm gonna come on the last day though. To get my Rubik's cube back. I miss it already.

And I miss you, too.

You probably won't ever read my blog, but now that you know the truth.. Well, now you know the truth. I'm sorry. You didn't have to know. You shouldn't have known. I think. I suppose it's better that way, isn't it? Sigh. Like I said, the world was so much easier when I was a kid. I didn't have any responsibilities, I didn't have to make choices, I didn't have to tell lies. No homework, no exams, nothing to worry about, nothing or nobody to bring you down. No hormone imbalance. Life was all sweets and rainbows, smiles and laughs, hopes and dreams. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. But we just had to grow up, huh?

But I guess that's not half bad. Because I got to meet amazing people. Because, I met you.

2009-10-31T13:29:00.000+08:00

Letting go is not easy. And I haven't even tried.

Gosh, love is cruel.